Guide to Going Down

Going Down

1 The best position is for her to lie across the bed and hang her legs over the edge. Kneel on the floor and pull her hips forward for full access.

2 If she’s lying flat on the bed, encourage her to bend her knees, rock back and put her legs over your shoulder – this allows good access to her clit.

3 Get her to lie on her back with one leg extended and the other bent. Hold on to her extended leg and give a lick from her bottom up to her clit.

4 Try working your way down her body, keeping her legs closed tightly. Find her clit with your tongue, flick away for a bit and then suddenly open her legs and give her full oral sex.

5 Get her to wrap her legs around your neck and lift her up until your mouth is on her clit, then enjoy the view of her boobs.

6 If your tongue needs a break, kiss or blow instead.

7 Gently nibble all around down there.

8 Make it damp, but without making her feel like a big, wet slug. You shouldn’t be frothing at the mouth.

9 If humming on her clit is a little embarrassing, why not turn your stereo up high. The vibrations will drive her wild.

10 Use a vibrator at the same time.

11 There’s nothing worse than feeling rushed. Make sure she knows that you’ve got all the time in the world and that you love going down on her.

12 Cup her gently in your hand while you work.

13 Try a new position. With you lying down in bed, get her to squat directly above your head and she can hold on to the bedpost to balance.

14 Get her into a doggy -style position for easier access.

15 Use a hot-water bottle that’s cooled down a bit (being scalded isn’t sexy) for her to sit on while you pleasure her. The warmth will help relax her into an orgasm.

16 Keep your fingernails short and clean.

17 If you’re licking her clit and she’s writhing in pleasure, gently put your finger inside her from time to time.

18 To avoid jaw-lock, vary your technique.

19 Put your tongue for inside her. Move in and out, as well as in circular motions, around the inside.

20 Don’t be afraid to suck on her clit. Gently pull it with your mouth then let it go.

21 Remember to keep making use of your hands. But no groping – caress and feel whenever you can.

22 If you haven’t tried adding lube before, you should – now!

23 Suggest doing the 69 position. This will allow her to enjoy the naughty feeling of having her mouth full, but be able to relax as you bring her to orgasm.

24 Have a shave, or make sure you’ve got good, full beard – or your face will feel like sandpaper on her bits.

25 Wash your hands. She wouldn’t put muck up herself, so neither should you.

26 To stop her getting bored, use a finger, then your tongue. Now repeat.

27 For Christ’s sake, don’t sneeze.

28 If you feel the need to spit a little bit afterwards, don’t let her see it – it’ll be all over the second she notices.

29 Slide your hands under her bum while you’re doing it: as well as making your job easier, it’s sexier for her.

30 Don’t forget to pay attention to her boobs.

31 Kiss her other sensitive spots. The backs of the knees can drive some girls wild (although others may just giggle and knee you in the face).

32 It’s best not to try to snog her immediately afterwards: you wouldn’t like it, so why should she?

33 On the previous point… of course, if you do both like that sort of thing, go for it!

34 Don’t feel you have to stop after making her come once… why not make her day and go for a hat-trick?

35 Don’t comment on the taste, unless it’s to say that you love it.

36 Try lying on your back and getting her to sit on your face. With any luck, she’ll feel the urge to return the favour, and before you know it, you’re doing a 69!

37 Try slipping your tongue in her wrong ’un. If she doesn’t like it, you’ll soon know. But if she does – wahey!

38 On that point, no need to stick your entire tongue up there, just playfully toy around with it.

39 Stave off boredom by spelling out phrases on her clitoris. Lick the letters over it and see if she notices that you are saying ‘I wish I was watching Match Of The Day’.

40 Make sure you make appreciative ‘yummy’ noises to reassure her that you’re enjoying it. It’ll help her relax and come a bit bloody quicker!

41 After you’ve got her going, suddenly withdraw your affections and begin kissing her thighs, hips and stomach. Go close to her pink parts but don’t actually give her the satisfaction of touching her there. After a few minutes of this she’ll be begging you to lap at her, and will cry out alarmingly when you finally do.

42 Instead of bending over her, save yourself a back injury by kneeling down, putting your hands under her bum, and lifting her up to your lips. It’s a move for proper men, which she’ll love and you’ll feel like Tarzan.

43 Press down with your thumb on the area between her two holes as she’s coming. It’ll add extra oomph! to her orgasm.

44 Start licking her through her knickers at first, to get her going. Then, if you have the strength, rip those suckers off! Perhaps check that they aren’t her brand new £100 pair first.

45 When you’re having a bath together – and if you’ve got the room – go down on her underwater. But don’t expect to be able to use her as a snorkel.