Get Good Head

1 If she keeps gagging when giving you a blowjob, you may want to try standing in front of her as she sits on a chair. Let her hold your cock as she sucks it; this way she’ll be able to control how much of it she allows in her mouth.

2 Some girls are keen on you putting your hands on the back of their head as you thrust into their mouths, but a lot of girls aren’t. Ask her first to avoid coming across as a sex pest.

3 If you want to control the angle she’s taking you in her mouth, gently gather her hair in your hands and use it as a soft and fluffy steering wheel. Don’t use her head like a Nintendo 64 joystick – she won’t like it one bit.

4 For a really good blowjob – and especially during deep-throat – make sure she’s sitting at a comfortable angle. Otherwise her neck and back muscles could tense up and it’ll be game over.

5 If you want to finish off the job yourself, that’s fine. But it’s better if you include her somehow. Perhaps you could tell her one of your biggest turn ons is watching her watch you masturbate.

6 Remember that the taste of your sperm is affected by certain foods. Curry, beer, asparagus, garlic, onions and broccoli all make it gut-wrenchingly foul. But apparently citrus fruits, especially pineapple, make it taste sweet. Which means she’ll do it more!

7 If you’re trying deep-throat, it’s very important that you don’t thrust into her throat, otherwise this will trigger her gag reflexes and she could vomit all over your cock. Let her control it.

8 If you’re self-conscious about the taste or smell of your penis, buy some spearmint lube as a treat for her, and as peace of mind for yourself.

9 Why not help her out by wanking yourself off as she licks and sucks you. It’ll be light relief for her jaw and a quick fix for your cock.

10 If you need a piss before, go! Your bladder is located right by your prostate gland, which triggers ejaculation. So if your bladder is full (after around seven pints of lager, no doubt) it presses on to your prostate, making orgasm more likely and harder to control.

11 Ask permission before coming anywhere on her face or body. She may hate the idea, or she may love it. At least give her a chance to get her boobs ready, her mouth open or her head under the duvet!

12 Grow out of the phase where you give your cock a pet name. It’s much sexier to say ‘You want some, do you?’, rather than ‘Are you ready for Dillinger to come out and play?’.

13 For an added treat, have a cold fizzy drink by the bed, and get her to hold some in her mouth while she does it.

14 Some women bizarrely find it easier to sword-swallow if they give the blowjob upside-down (head hanging over the side of the bed) as it slides right down. Suggest it if she’s struggling.

15 Boffins reckon that blokes like deep throating because of the sensation of the head of the penis hitting something back there. So, if your lady’s finding it hard, get her to position herself so that the head hits towards the back of the roof of her mouth. It’ll feel the same.

16 Ask her to look at you while she does it – eye-contact improves oral tenfold!

17 If she’s biting you, tell her! There’s no need to endure 10 minutes of agony when a quick word will sort it.

18 Lift her hair out of the way – as well as making it easier for her, it’s sexier when you can see what she’s doing.

19 Have a shower together first – then she’ll know before she gets her mouth round it that it’s 100 per cent clean.

20 On your birthday, request that she wakes you up in the morning with a blowjob. You’ll soon get out of bed full of beans (as will she).

21 There’s nothing like the classics: go to the pictures when it’s empty and get her to go down on you in the back row. Careful what you film you watch – Charlie’s Angels: yes; Schindler’s List: no!

22 Pop your chap in a jar of Nutella, then present it to your lady. Be rewarded with a very enthusiastic blowjob.

23 When she’s got your entire length in her mouth, get her to turn her head to the side and trace a figure-of-eight up your cock. It’s good, honest!

24 Make sure she knows that you don’t have to be hard for her to crack on! If she puts her mouth around it when you’re soft, you’ll be rock solid in a jiffy.

25 Get her to break out the yoghurt. It’ll feel fantastic and you won’t hear a single moan about getting fat.

26 If you’re using condoms, don’t get jiggy with any oil-based foods, otherwise they’ll damage the rubber.

27 Spice up any blowjob by getting her to add the ‘twist and swirl’. She should masturbate you, twist it slightly as her hand reaches the head. At the same time, swirl the flat of her tongue around the rim of the head.

28 Get her to tongue-flick your frenulum (the fold of skin that meets your bell-end).

29 Once in her mouth, get her to let go and go hands free!

30 Try analingus as a change. Yep, you guessed it – that means arse licking. Come on, you might like it! But only after a good bath or shower.

31 If the previous is a bit much, get her to lick your perineum. That’s the bit between you balls and bum.

32 If it’s taking a while to come, help her out by lightly thrusting into her mouth. Not too hard, though, or you’ll choke the poor girl.