THIS MONTH'S PERVERT: DAVID, 22, MAIDSTONE

TURN ONS: High heels

TURN-OFFS: Maidstone chav girls

FIRST DATE RULES: I pay

BEST FEATURE: My bum - people tell me it looks really good in French knickers

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Lots of scars from when I was a chef

EROGENOUS ZONES: There is a place, but I can't tell you where...