Paris Hilton is so rich and famous that if celebrities all lived in 
It was cute to play a dumb blonde. On TV, I do it because it's funny. I consider myself a business woman and a brand 
their own country called, say, Celebritovia, which was a constitutional monarchy and where everybody lived in huge luxury hotels instead of houses, Paris Hilton would surely be their queen. Or rich princess, or something.
And if we had normal sex organs, they’d surely be in an near-constant state of arousal, because the hot heiress’s billion-dollar body seems to be just about everywhere you look right now – drunkenly draped across the tabloids’ party pages, running away terrified from bits of soil in her reality show The Simple Life and now she’s even popped up in the horror film House Of Wax.
She’s even more prolific than our aggressive psoriasis (which is on our eyes)! We wanted to know what it’s like to be the world’s most looked-at golden sex gazelle, so here, in her own words, is that…
On her public image:
‘I thought it was cute to play a dumb blonde.'
On TV,
'I do it because it’s funny. I consider myself a businesswoman and a brand.’
On her ambition:
‘Now I’m trying to build an empire. I don’t want to be known as this “Hilton hotel girl” my whole life. I want to make my own name.’
On fashion:
‘I’ve never been one to follow the trends.’
On humility:
‘I’m the closest thing to American royalty.’
On her newfound devotion to fighting poverty:
‘It’s such a great cause. It makes you realise how fortunate we are. I want to get more involved in this cause, so I’m going to read all the newspapers while I’m in Athens planning my wedding.’
On the perils of fame:
‘I don’t enjoy going out any more. It’s such a pain. It’s everyone saying, “Let’s do a deal! Can I have a picture?” I’m just, like, “These people are such losers. I can’t believe I used to love doing this.”’
On her maternal instincts:
‘I want to have kids in the next two years because I know that completes your life. I’ve had so much fun and I’ve accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish, and I think that when I have kids, that’ll make me happier than I already am.’
On loyalty:
‘A good friend is someone who is honest… I’ll test them by telling them something and seeing if it gets out. If it gets out, I know that it was them.’
On The Simple Life:
‘It’s no big secret that Nicole [Richie] and I are no longer friends. It wouldn’t be fair to the fans if we pretended to be best pals. I won’t go into the details of what happened. All I’ll say is, Nicole knows what she did.’
On relationships:
‘You want to be with someone who’s your biggest fan and treats you like a princess.’
On how to be a successful reality TV star:
‘Always be camera-ready, and don’t trust the producers.’
On following her own life in the tabloids:
‘I don’t read any of it. I just look at the pictures to see what I was wearing last week, and if it was cute.’
On her dream of getting married in London’s Westminster Abbey:
‘I always wanted to be a princess on my big day, and only a wedding in England could make it happen. Prince Charles got married there, so it’s good enough for me.’
On chastity:
‘Girls need to learn to hold out.’
On what really matters to her:
‘While I like my lifestyle, I don’t take it all that seriously. I do take my family seriously. I take my dog, Tinkerbell, seriously. I take my work seriously. But I don’t take myself all that seriously.’
On the difficulties of being Paris:
‘Despite what you’ve read, being a famous heiress is not that easy. It is, of course, fun and exciting, and it comes in handy for air travel.’
On self-awareness:
‘This is what being an heiress means to me: being in charge.’
On the boundaries of bad taste:
‘There’s a big difference between being fun and provocative and being totally over the top and gross. An heiress knows how to tread that fine line – in stilettos.’
On supermarket shopping at Wal-Mart:
‘Is that where they sell, like, walls?’
On her idol:
‘Barbie is my total fashion icon!’
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