Yes

Leila Gale thinks humping is the key to happiness

Sex is the glue that keeps couples together, and the stickier the better. No matter how comforting your cuddles or how cultured your conversation, sex is going to rear its head at some point, and unless you embrace it with both hands – the sex, not his penis – you’re in big trouble.

The romantic dinners, the trips to Ikea, the late-night debates over whether Penfold was a hamster or a mole (clearly a mole) – are all designed to lead us to those moments when we’re, quite literally, stuck on another person. Being in, on and all over each other is the foundation of any relationship, and without that you risk becoming horribly unstuck.

I’m not saying you should be searching for the shag-of-your-life with everyone you meet. But if you think back to the best relationships you’ve had, surely the blow job behind the speakers at Glastonbury or the X-rated picnic on Hampstead Heath stand out more than the Lost marathon or a trip to Tesco?

The great lovers in history – we’re talking Antony and Cleopatra here, not Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee – didn’t get on so well because of a fondness for each other’s chilli con carne or a shared subscription to Virgin Media. Nope, it was desire. Lust. Love. And for all of that, the magic ingredient is sex. And not the lite variety, the full-fat kind.

I have a friend who every time he and his girlfriend argue, simply takes off all of his clothes. It’s difficult to make the point that milk doesn’t buy itself when your partner is standing there with a big fat hard on. Sex is fun, it’s intimate, it brings you closer and it makes everything else seem petty and ridiculous. Which, quite frankly, it is.

No

Oliver Eden-Green says it’s time to tame that todger

Let’s not beat around the bush here – I’m talking literally here chaps – sex is overrated. Don’t get me wrong, pie-smashing can be very gratifying (occasionally for both parties) and there’s little better for improving cardiovascular performance. However, for those who say sex is the be-all and end-all of a relationship, I have nine words for you: Get Over Sex And The City, It Was Rubbish. This TV show, which has thankfully now been consigned to post-coital retirement got people thinking we should be bonking the bollocks out of each other day and night, and spending the rest of the time eating shit Chinese food out of shit cardboard boxes.

Come on, how can a woman who looks like a low-rent Ruud van Nistelrooy, a ginger lesbian, a sexy mouse-who-you-probably-would and a wrinkly old vagina in heels persuade anyone that unless you’re involved in perpetual penetration you’re missing out on all life has to offer? If you’re in a relationship and the best bit about it is slamming one another off a sofa, you’re missing out on a hell of a lot of the good stuff.

Because if you have someone who understands your silly little episodes, who excites you, interests you, makes you laugh like a drain and whom you want to surprise just to see the glee on her face, then good sex will follow. Let’s remember, sex can also be a stressful affair. There is the pressure to perform and the need to talk afterwards. Sometimes it’s nice just to let Lord Palmerston and his five-strong cabinet sort you out. Call me lame if you like, but ultimately sex isn’t much more than a wank with tits for knuckles anyway.