YES

I argue with my husband every day. Sometimes he even notices and joins in. Of course, he pretends he wants a quiet life, but I know he doesn't really, because otherwise, why would he keep leaving the toilet seat up? We indulge in daily sparring that's often more about trying to make each other laugh than aiming to score any real points over each other.

Our most recent was a blazing stand-up row we had during a Sunday-afternoon walk along our local millionaire's row and that was over which house we will buy when we win the lottery. (I wanted ye olde mill house, he wanted a chav palace with a pool.) The one before that was whether a laksa is a curry or a soup (it's a soup, fool), and before that we had a heated debate over who forgot to buy more toilet roll (clue: it wasn't me).

Other than this constant bickering, we row about the things that all couples fight over: sex and money. The pooling of financial resources and bodily fluids are the things that make you a couple rather than just mates. Respect, affection and loyalty are bound up in these two issues and disagreements about them MUST get passionate: if you don't give a shit, then why are you together?

On a more serious note, I can count the number of real arguments we've had - I mean proper, shaky, tearful, we might split up arguments - on one hand. Horrible times, and I'd hate to go there again. But even the biggies have their payoffs. Because after the bust-up comes the making up. Going back to bed with someone you've nearly lost has a frantic, desperate sexual charge to it that can relight the dampest of squibs.

So have an argument. Pick a fight. You can't lose. Unless, of course, you're arguing with me.

NO

Have you ever watched a couple in the middle of a blazing row and thought, ‘If only that could be me and my missus’? You know – shrieking voices, angry red faces and eyes so mad and wild they look like they’re going to pop out their sockets and bludgeon the other person to death. Have you ever seen that and thought, ‘If only we could be more like that, instead of just sitting here, having a good time’? Well, did you? No. Didn’t think so. That’s because arguments, like honest answers to arse-size questions, are bad for both of you.

Of course, there are some misguided fools who will tell you the opposite. They’ll tell you that arguments clear the air. They’ll say arguing gives you both a chance to be honest with each other and stops you bottling up all that pent-up anger and resentment. Well, if that were the case and arguing was such a good thing, how come you never finish one and think, ‘I’m really glad I now know she sees me as a commitment-shy coward’? And that time you called her a neurotic control freak – that bring you closer together, did it?

You see, arguing isn’t what you’re supposed to do with your girlfriend. It’s what you do with traffic wardens and rude call-centre workers and people who spill your pint without offering to buy you a new one. You wouldn’t try to have sex with a traffic warden to get out of paying a parking fine, would you? Then don’t go picking fights as a way of making your relationship stronger. Instead, the next time you witness someone else’s public bickering, squeeze your girl’s hand, agree with everything she says and be glad you’re not the ones having the barney.