You’ve done straight acting, game shows, comedy, panto… do you ever say ‘no’ to a gig? I turned down Dancing On Ice! That’s a young man’s game – I’m 54, overweight with bad knees. Besides, I’ve done my reality fix. My girlfriend and I were offered the chance to run a hotel together – I thought ‘fuck that!’ The most ridiculous thing I was ever offered was Who Wants To Marry Les Dennis? Celebrity Big Brother: have you recovered yet? When I came out of the house I was shocked at how much attention I got. It seemed like Big Brother was a bad idea at the time, but if I hadn’t done it I wouldn’t have done Extras or most of the stuff after. Do you miss the regular Family Fortunes cash? Who wouldn’t? It was a gravy train for 16 years. It took two weeks to film and then I wouldn’t have to worry about money for the rest of the year. What is your best Family Fortunes anecdote? What I liked best was when I found out about unlikely fans. Ron Atkinson came up to me once and said, ‘That was hard luck on Saturday.’ I thought he was talking about Liverpool being beaten 3-1, so I said, ‘Yeah, it was even worse that we were 1-0 up at half-time.’ He said, ‘I’m not talking about the match. The Johnson family missed the car!’ Have you been asked to pose naked since Extras? No, but I did start training for it. Then I thought ‘fuck it’, and sat there and stuck my stomach out. When was the last time you did the impression of Mavis Wilton from Coronation Street? It was probably last week. To be honest, I’m quite happy to do it again – although I had killed her off at one stage. What’s your favourite joke? There was this old Liverpool comic called Jackie Hamilton, who had one about a toilet cleaner. One day his mate asked him about his job and he replied: ‘It’s a nightmare. People come in and shoot up, take drugs, have sex… a bloke came in here the other week to have a shit and it was a breath of fresh air.’ What’s the best rumour you’ve ever heard about yourself? A friend of mine and Amanda [Holden]’s called Jane Wall, who used to be in The Bill, came round to our house when we were going through ‘that stuff’. Some paps followed her and the next day it said in The Sun that I was ‘being comforted by Diana Ross!’ It was hilarious – I mean, Jane’s black, but that’s as far as it goes! What’s the weirdest thing you’ve received from a female fan? I once got a letter from a girl who said ‘I think we have a lot in common: I’m a big Thunderbirds fan.’ Presumably because of some sketch. She sent a picture of herself dressed as a puppet next to a Robin Reliant, which she’d done up so it looked like Thunderbird One. Finally, Les Dennis is good to go down the pub with because…
Les’s autobiography, Must The Show Go On? (Orion), is out now priced £18.99
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