Gosia

'Riddle me this'

Maxim: Hello Gosia.

Gosia: Hello Maxim.

Maxim: Who scored the first ever goal in the World Cup finals?

Gosia: Easy. Lucien Laurent of France against Mexico in the 19th minute on 13/07/1930.

Maxim: That was easy. Try this: Who scored the first own goal in the World Cup?

Gosia: Ernst Loertscher of Switzerland against West Germany on 9 June 1938. It's actually thought he did it on behalf of Nazi Germany.

Maxim: You're good. Who is the only player to be sent off in consecutive finals tournments though?

Gosia: Rigobert Song. He was sent off on 24/06/1994 against Brazil and on 23/06/1998 against Chile. He's also Cameroon's most-capped player.

Maxim: Most goals in a match?

Gosia: Russia's Oleg Salenko got 5 against Cameroon on 28/06/1994.

Maxim: Only player to have won three World Cups?

Gosia: That's too easy. Next.

Maxim: You don't know it do you?

Gosia: It's Pele, you idiot. He won it in 1958 as a 17-year-old, again in 1962 in Chile and then again in 1970.

Maxim: How...

Gosia: He is 5ft 8in tall.

Maxim: Who is...

Gosia: He played himself in 1981's Escape To Victory.

Maxim: [Silent]

Gosia: His 1281 goals are recognized by FIFA as the highest total achieved by a professional footballer.

Maxim: Shut up now.

Gosia: He's kind of a brand now in himself brand including contracts with Puma, Pelestation, QVC, Freemantle Media, Pele L'uomo and Pele Arena coffee houses, amongst others.

Maxim: You wanna talk about something else now?

Gosia: German defender Franz Beckenbauer once said of him: "He is as close to perfection a football player can be."

Maxim: Waterfalls? Sex on the beach? Chocolate?

Gosia: I still can't believe he was only 17 years and 239 days old when he scored for Brazil against Wales in quarter finals on 19/6/58 making him the youngest ever player to score ina World Cup match.

Maxim: Let's finish up now yeah. We have a hair appointment.

Gosia: Conversely, Cameroon's Roger Milla was 42 years and 39 days old when he scored in a First Round match against Russia on 28/06/1994, making hime the eldest player to score in a World Cup finals match.

Maxim: [Standing up]

Gosia: That's a gap of 25 years and 200 days! Which is also the age of Kim Jong Il's illegitmate son when he blew up his first coal mine...

Maxim: [Leaving room]

Gosia: And the time it would take to run 16 times round the planet if you moved at a consistent speed of 7.76mph...

Maxim: [Gone]