Tina Wallman is a feisty one, talking of carpet burns during rough sex and being a solid 8/10 in the sack. Far too timid to interview a woman of this sexual calibre, we brought in BBC pundit Garth Crooks, to probe the Aussie model about the naughtiness of this 'ere shoot:
TINA WALLMAN, AS INTERVIEWED BY TV PUNDIT GARTH CROOKS*
GARTH: Tina, you surname is Wallman. A Wallman is a medieval term for a wall-builder or thatcher, and walls, I understand, are very important to you, particularly when you are in your house, local supermarket, or treehouse. Was it not strange then, Miss Wallman, to do this shoot in a location that was entirely without walls?
TINA: Yes, I had to get changed behind a tiny towel!
GARTH: With this in mind, assuming it was one of those nice comfy towels you get from Debenhams, the shop that I buy most of my Christmas gifts from, except my grandma’s shortbread, which I get from Marksy’s, that during some of the shoot, parts of your body were exposed to onlookers, on account of the lack of walls?
TINA: Yes. There were so many onlookers I think we must’ve coincided with every guy’s day off!
GARTH: Taking that into account, would you say, being a woman who is prone to wearing skimpy attire in places without walls, and bearing in mind how the Premier League now boasts a number of Brazilians including the likes of Robinho, Elano, Denilson, Jo, Fabio Da Silva, Rafael Da Silva, Geovanni, Gomes, Lucas, and Anderson, that you favour the Brazilian as your favoured downstairs topiary style?
TINA: Yes. I prefer Brazilian, I hate hair!
GARTH: Finally, based on the sizzling hot photographs I have in front of me, is it fair to say that prior to being shot on the wall-less location and post changing behind the tiny towel, that your body was moisturised up with the same lotion that Pierluigi Collina, winner of the IFFHS' World's Best Referee of the Year in 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 and 2003, uses on his hairless head?
TINA: Yes. My body was covered in Vaseline to make me all shiny!
GARTH: And was that Vaseline, the…[Ray Stubbs grabs mike off Garth]
RAY: Sorry about that Tina, lovely shoot. You’re a very lovely lady.
TINA: That’s ok. Thank you!
*It wasn’t really him. But this is what he would’ve asked.
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