Maxim's new lady columist!
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| When we went out to Thailand for the competition I thought everyone else was so gorgeous I didn’t have a chance. But obviously I did. And I love it | |
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For the 97.4 per cent of you who'll browse this article specifically to ogle Cordingley's fleshy bits and not bother with the delightfully dull prose, you will fail to learn that the minxious one will in fact be a regular in the magazine as of the next issue. Were fed up with asking IDIOT mates what to do concerning matters of the fairer sex and are hereby enlisting the venereal nous of Miss Cordingley instead.
Send all your awkward queries now - if you've thought about it, she's done it!
Rachael's Maxim shoots
MISS MAXIM WORLD - Winner's shoot
SEE RACHAEL AND LAST YEAR'S UK WINNER LOUISE CLIFFE IN OUR SEXY BEHIND-THE-SCENES VIDEO!
RACHAEL CORDINGLY AND LOUISE CLIFFE - THE SHOOT
See Rachael at her own website - www.rachaelcordingley.com
Rachael chats to Maxim
Reigning Miss Maxim, Rachael Cordingley is the cherry in our lemon pie, the treacle in our bakewell tarts and the nipple in our chocolate roll. In fact, just thinking about her sends our brains into a jumbled mass of incoherent cake metaphors, such is her finger-lickiness. And to think from next month she’ll be in the mag every issue as our very own Sexpert. Yum-titty-yum…
Miss Cordingley, you’re officially the fittest Maxim girl in the world. We’re betting that floats your boat somewhat?
I feel great actually. When we went out to Thailand for the competition I thought everyone else was so gorgeous I didn’t have a chance. But obviously I did. And I love it.
How many girls were there?
Two. And the other one had a black eye, so I obviously had to win. No, there were quite a lot actually. It took place over two weeks – there must have been at least 20 or so contestants.
What did you have to do for the competition, other than look fit?
We went on this gorgeous, secluded beach and did the shoot there. But that was just one day – on the Saturday we had to do loads of PR stuff. The whole night was sponsored by Smirnoff though, so we were all mashed by the end of it. It was great. As soon as I got there, I was like, ‘Get me a drink!’
A woman after our own hearts. Which outfit did you like the best?
I had two really nice ones: there was a gorgeous turquoise bikini that kind of linked together, which was quite hot. And there was another one that was just a pale bikini with a thong. That was the nicest one.
Being Thailand, we bet there was a certain amount of, how shall we say, ‘freaks’ about?
There was a camera crew who pretended they couldn’t speak English who kept edging round the beach trying to get footage of me naked. And there was a lot of ladyboy make-up artists. They were really nice though. At first, when they said there was going to be ladyboys, I thought, ‘Oh my god, they are going to be like drag queens.’ But they were lovely.
Any other Thai indiscretions to disclose?
We saw an awful show where one girl shot darts out of her bits – it was disgusting. All the punters were holding balloons and she would aim and pop the balloons. She did pork sausages as well. Yuk!
We know a man who had an ‘accidental’tête-à-tête with a ladyboy once…
Some of them are damn hot though. I was going, ‘Look at the curves on her – that is definitely a woman.’ It can take a while to figure out that it’s not.
Ladyboys aside, you’ve proven once and for all that England has the fittest women. Has the Queen been in contact to say thank you?
I don’t think she would be that into it really. I’m not expecting a letter any time soon.
What about the country’s females – have they been buying you drinks?
No – they don’t like me. They’re all jealous.
Bet men don’t mind though?
Yeah, I’m doing all right on that front. They quite like me.
What sort of underwear do you prefer?
I’ve got a new set on today that I think is really sexy and quite nice [Pulls up top to reveal a purple number]. Lacy is nice!
Yeah, it’s not bad. [Catches breath.] So, er, what should a man be wearing if he wants to impress you?
I like the casual look – jeans, some funky looking shirts, a pair of nice trainers. Just be natural, not too pampered. And don’t wear socks and sandals or those silly tight vests either. Big turn-offs!
Have you ever worn a really tight bra to make your boobs look bigger?
Yes, I think so. But do you know what – I hate wearing bras altogether, so if I didn’t have to wear one, I wouldn’t wear one. I would just hang loose. Hang sounds a bit saggy though. I don’t sag!
Have you ever photocopied your bottom? And if you have, can you stick it on eBay? Our opening bid is £4.50.
Is that it? I want a little bit more than that!
It’s only the opening bid.
I would be willing to do it for charity – but it’s got to get more than £4.50.
OK, it’s on then. We’ll provide the photocopier and a crisp sheet of A4, you can provide the derrière…
Yeah, alright. [Readers, please check eBay now for said item. All proceeds go to our dwindling beer fund.]
How many Cadbury’s Fingers can you eat before you get sick?
I’ve sat watching the telly eating them before, and I think I ate the whole packet.
What’s the most attractive thing in a man, other than his looks?
To make me laugh – if you make me laugh then I’m won.
What if you’re really funny but you’ve got smelly feet, Speedos on and snot hanging out your nose?
No snot – that makes me puke. Wipe your nose, then maybe you’ll have a chance.
What’s sexier – a big fat man lying on a bear-skin rug stroking himself absent-mindedly with on ostrich feather, or a big fat man sitting on a bar stool erotically eating a pickled egg?
They’re both disgusting. I like pickles, so I would steal the ostrich feather, tickle him, steal the egg and then run.
You are going to be our new Sexpert every month in Maxim’s Outbox section. You should get some more sensible questions then. Are you excited about it?
I’m really looking forward to it actually. I can’t wait to help out all your readers with their sexual conundrums.
If you wrote a sex advice book, would you call it ‘Sex According To Cordingley’ or ‘Cord On Blue’?
Cord On Blue, but I don’t know why.
If you want sex advice yourself, do you consult: (a) a girl’s magazine; (b) your mother; or (c) the Polish bloke who hangs around the lift at work and reckons he knows the ways of women?
Definitely the Polish bloke. I’ve been to him a few times. He’s given me a few tips for my new column actually.
Till next month then, Cordingley.
See you next month, Maxim!
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