FIRST WATER BRA
"I lived in Houston for the first four years of my life, and my first memories were of a friend who lived two doors down from me. We would fill up water balloons and stuff them down our bathing suits., like they were our boobs."
FIRST FACEBOOK STALKER
"I got this creepy message from a guy who said: 'You were so great in this movie, and we met at the wrap party.' I was like, I got cut from that movie, and I didn't go to the wrap party, weirdo."
FIRST ENEMY
"She was this girl who used to flip me off in junior high school! I remember she would mouth "Fuck you" to me in the hallways. I was just confused the whole time. Now I'm a lot feistier. I'd punch her in the face and knee her in the crotch!"
FIRST INJURY
"It was probably my broken ankle. My future brother-in-law and I were jumping on the tramp – that's what I call my trampoline – and he jumped on my ankle. The tramp was pretty sweet though. Those were good times. I miss the tramp..."
FIRST VISIT TO NIGHT COURT
"It was actually just last week! If you need some amusement, go to night court. There was a woman ahead of me bargaining with a judge on jail time instead of paying her traffic ticket. She was dead serious. I have to go back in a month for my speeding ticket. I'm looking forward to it."


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