Jillian Beyor's Totally Made-Up Maxim Agony Aunt page
Dear Jillian,
My brother is a junkee and has a secret debt with a drug dealer. I want to help him out but I don't know the best way to do it without my parents finding out. Can you help?
Fran, Dulwich
This is an easy one, Fran. Get yourself down to Boot's the Chemist, buy some Burt's Bees Baby Bee Nourishing Oil, spread it evenly over your body and then catch some rays in your back garden. If you don't have a garden, the local park will do.
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Dear Jillian,
I bought my boyfriend a car for his birthday but it won't start, what should I do?
Thora, Herts
Oooh, tricky. If it was me Thora, I would get myself down to Boot's the Chemist and buy a couple of bottles of Johnson's Baby Oil (200 and 300ml) and spread it evenly all over myself then go for a long sleep in the sun at the local park. Good luck!
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Dear
Jillian,
My head is always the wrong shape for sunglasses. They either make my nose look crooked or my head look like it's deformed. What should I do?
Davinia, Snodland
Don't fret, this happens to a lot of women. Just get yourself over to Boot's the Chemist, ask at the counter if they have a 450ml squeezy bottle of organic baby oil, get one of the assistants to spread the whole lot evenly across your body and then play volleyball at your local beach.
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Dear
Jillian,
I need something to make my skin shine whilst I'm parading myself at the local, park in my back garden or on the beach, could you recommend anything please?
Vera, Gretna
What do you think I am, Vera? A bloody Samaritan? Please phone 08457 90 90 90 with this sort of delinquent nonsense. NEXT!
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