Zoe Lucker

Poor Tanya Turner, fighting for her position as the queen bee of Footballers' Wives but married to the dismal Jason Turner: malign and lumbering halfwit at the dark heart of Earl's Park's educationally challenged midfield.

Football, we can agree, is not a bad game, but the main appeal of Footballers' Wives is, and always will be, the wives. In particular Zoe Lucker's seething portrayal of a woman who will do anything in order to see her blank-eyed husband's place in the team saved and, along with it, her own access to as many Gucci handbags as can be reasonably piled in the back of a landcruiser.
The girl's a trier and if there's one thing that's sexy in a pushy blonde in spiky heels and a slashed dress, it's venom. Accordingly the new series sees her pulling up trees and dropping little hand grenades willy-nilly amongst the struggling Premiership outfit's maddened entourage of neurotics and egomaniacs.