Candice Boucher

Doing justice to beaches

She's not bringing justice to beaches.

She's not the deputised Sheriff of Margate or nothing like that.

She brings justice to beaches.

We can't get the emphasis right. In short: CANDICE BOUCHER MAKES BEACHES BETTER!

Honestly, the other day Maxim was sat on Southend pier with Albert (the dog) when he started feverishly barking.

"What's the matter, boy?" Maxim said.

"WOOF WOOF WOOF," he replied.

"What, Candice Boucher is on the beach, making it look better?"

"WOOF!"

"Blimey!" [Glances over to beaming sunlight eminating from normally dingy parade.]

[Feels warm glow inside]

[Wrenches heart out with spoon as knows that will never pull someone as nice as her]

[Dog licks blood]

"WOOF WOOF WOOF!"

[Last draws of breath] "You didn't like me anyway?"

"WOOF!"

[Gutted]