Vanessa Perroncel v Toni Poole

Was it really worth it, John?

No offence Mr Bridge, you've had a tough week of it and everything, but we consider ourselves experts at trawling the net for pictures of fit women and we could hardly find any of your ex.

Used to be a French lingerie model, did she? We found ONE SHOT of her in her pants? Likes going out shopping does she? We only found her looking tired, frumpy and pregnant.

Check it out...

Our Toni though, as we'll refer to her from now on, ain't half bad. We're not gonna get all stupid here and pretend she's a "hottie" or that we're gonna offer her some sort of poxy "revenge shoot" on these very pages, but if she was in a club a little bit sozzled and we were there, we wouldn't be that gutted if one of our mates started chatting her up.

Chek it out...

The fact that Perroncel apparently:

• has a penchant for miniature JCBs being driven over her naked flesh;
• and once indulged Bridge's obsession for Star Wars by buying him a £1,000 Stormtrooper outfit;

doesn't make up for the fact that she:

• was part of the WAG pack who ran around like dicks in Baden-Baden during the last World Cup and made all our players look like a bunch of henpecked c*nts.

FRANCE - 0
ENGLAND - 1

Get in there! etc etc