Criminally Not Going To Be There - Simona Halep
The budding junior player isn’t going to be at Wimbledon, and that’s just wrong. She has now announced she is going to have breast reduction surgery to ‘help her play’. So we’ll never get to see her in full flight on Centre Court. How utterly unfair.
Watch Simona Halep's amazing pair of 'match points' here!
1. Alona Bondarenko
Although she can have the look of a bewildered child actor, the World Number 28 gets our vote for all-round package. We think Alona is taking the whole deal to great new heights: a thong-and-halter top combo is not out of the question. Will Centre Court ever be the same?
2. Marta Domachowska
Ranked 56 in the world, the Pole started playing tennis at the age of seven. Good body form somewhat deflected by an almost aristocratic manliness in the face. Still, will have many fans on Centre Court.
3. Nicole Vaidisova
They say the World Number 60’s biggest weapon is her serve. Is it? Is it really? We were more impressed by her fondness for micro-vests and miniscule skirts, as well as the light modelling she dabbles in.
4. Elena Dementieva
The Russian won a gold in Beijing and is ranked 4th in the World, which is a weird coincidence, as she comes 4th in our ranking too: slim, pigtailed and probably has that mental Russo-Californian accent going on.
5. Maria Kirilenko
Maria has slipped to 30 in the World Ranking, but what do those cats know? The Ukranian has that look which says “I am going to tie you, I am going to dominate you, you feeble, weak man.” You can’t buy that for all your World Tour earnings.
6. Maria Sharapova
An old favourite, Maria is still a strong pull despite dropping down to 59 in the World Rankings. She is the world’s highest-paid female sports star, and we can see why: have you seen her Sports Illustrated Swimwear shoot?
7. Daniela Hantuchova
The frisky Slovak is holding firm in the World Rankings at 30. She is down at seven with us, but only because she seldom smiles. With her back to us she’d be Number 1, but we prefer an all-rounder. Smile, Danny, smile!
8. Mathilde Johansson
On paper the Swede who is based in France should be much higher. But she scares us when she is angry, and not in a good way. She’s only 25 but we sense she might gain MILF attraction very soon, and hence rise up the ranks.
9. Ana Ivanovic
The Serbian’s lowly ranking here is perhaps unfair. If the World 13 would just relax her play a little, perhaps see if some of the newer micro-wear might help her game we’re sure she’d fly up our rankings. He nickname is, after all, the Fastest Mover in the World.
10. Elena Vesnina
Yes, the Russian is bottom of our Top Ten, but let’s put that into perspective: she’s no Betty Stove! Still a good showing from the World 38, and she could go up the rankings if she shows us more of her backhand.
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