Jessica Jane Clement

Do the Hustle

Most of us have been conned at one time or another. Whether it’s buying oregano in the naïve belief that it’s weed, changing your gas supplier and ending up with a worse bill than ever, or buying a human kidney off eBay only for it to arrive and turn out to be made of jam and Play-Doh – it’s always a disappointment. It’s getting tougher for the scammers though, thanks to the hard work of The Real Hustle’s band of con-busters, and especially the scam-proof Jessica Jane…

Have you ever been scammed?

When I was 14, I joined a modelling agency and paid loads of money for this supposedly amazing portfolio: I ended up with three crappy photos and when I went to see the agency, they’d shut down. That was one of the scams I was passionate about showing on the programme. You should never get charged to join an agency.

Who’d you like to shake down the most?

I’d like to scam the two boys, Alex [Conran] and Paul [Wilson]! But I’d have to expect something even more elaborate coming back to me. So… just someone really arrogant who thinks it couldn’t happen to them. I know – Piers Morgan! He deserves a good scam.

Who’s more gullible: men or women?

I find that if I’m trying to scam a woman, they’re a bit more savvy, but if I’m trying to scam a guy, they’re more dumbfounded and not concentrating.

Funny that. Has a man ever tried to con his way into your knickers?

I had someone a few years ago who was pretending to be French and was speaking to me in a French accent.

That’s rubbish.

I know! It’s crap, isn’t it? He thought he was being really romantic and sexy. His excuse was that it’s a romantic language.

Are men intimidated by you after seeing you on the show?

I get a lot of guys who just look at me and shuffle off, then the others are the shitheads who just go for it full-throttle shouting, ‘Wahey!’ I never seem to get anything in between: they’re all either scared or just making a complete arse of themselves.

After seeing how easy it is, would you ever consider going for the easy money and becoming a professional scammer?

What makes you think I wasn’t before?

If you had to, who would you rather spend the night with: David Blaine, Paul Daniels or Derren Brown?

Oh God, hahaha! Well…Derren Brown’s gay and Paul Daniels is too old for me, so by default, it’d have to be David Blaine.

Wouldn’t you get a bit sick of him trying to be all spooky and that?

Oh my God, I get sick of the boys trying to do magic tricks on me, so of course I would! I’d be trying to sleep and he’d be levitating – it would drive me up the wall.

Is there actually any magic trick that impresses women?

No. I’m trying to think of something funny to say, but no. It doesn’t impress me at all. Some women like it – it can be quite sexy because it’s sleight of hand and it’s confusing.

So…women like a man to be sneaky and confusing?

Er…yeah, haha!

Is there anything a bit sexy about the idea of conning people out of their cash for a living?

Yeah, it’s a rogue-ish thing, having the confidence to break the rules. I like a man who’s a rogue.

Are you ever a rogue?

My dad’s a policeman, so I’m generally quite good. But I was once thrown out of a club by a man dressed as Ali G for not paying for my cab. I was dressed as a bunny girl at the time.

Do you consider Wonderbras to be a con? They’re basically offering something that isn’t really there…

That’s such a good question. It is a bit of a lie…

Hang on, where’s the line between ‘a bit of a lie’ and ‘a con’?

I think if you know you’re going to go all the way, it’s a bit wrong, but hey, a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

If you were wearing a Wonderbra, and you took a guy home and found his appealing buttock cleavage was the result of push-up pants, would you have the right to be angry?

Hahaha, I don’t know how to answer that…

Sorry, I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I’m a bit drunk.

Haha! So will I be in half an hour! To me, looks aren’t that important in a guy. But yeah, they should call the Wonderbra the Wonder-con.

We knew it! Finally, finish this sentence: Jessica Jane is about to…

…have a Monday roast.

That sounds wrong.