'Music's brilliant for having sex to.' That's debatable, given the devastating effects Mick Hucknall's voice could have on your stroke. But we're talking to an expert, so we'll hear her out. 'It depends on the mood, but every kind of music works for sex - drum 'n' bass, hip hop...' Ah, she's talking about 'urban' music. Meet Femme Fatale, the UK garage scene's sexiest DJ and leading lady of Radio 1's spin-off station, 1Xtra. 
But I did get some girl-on-girl action myself once...we went to a strip joint, and the guys were all having dances from the girls, so I had one too. She was beautiful, and at the end gave me a full-on snog 
'Music definitely works with sex because I've seen loads of people shagging in clubs,' Femme tells us. 'They'll be doing a dance move or sitting on each other, but actually having sex. It's shocking. Having said that, I did it once when I was 17, in the toilets. It was great!'
Femme spends every Friday night on the decks at London's Ministry of Sound, so she's witnessed plenty of those faux-lesbionic grinds that ladies launch into without fail (thank god). 'I can see straight through that,' she laughs. 'But I did get some girl-on-girl action myself once. It was in Miami. When the club closed we went to a strip joint, and the guys were all having dances from the girls, so I had one too. She was beautiful, and at the end gave me a full-on snog.'
Right now, Femme's stuffing her box for the Garage Weekend on 1Xtra, 16-19 July, and after four days of non-stop banging choons, she'll be gagging for a lie-in. 'That's the best time to have a man around. Once or twice a week would be perrrfect for me.'
What you have here, men, is a silky-voiced, party-loving, fast-living girl who's good with her fingers. And looking for a part-time lover. As soon as we find the garage she works in, we'll let you know.
Femme Fatale is on 1Xtra BBC, 10-12am Wednesdays on DAB, and at bbc.co.uk/1Xtra
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