It’s summer. That means we may, at some point, get some sunshine, and that means ladies slip out of their clothes and into bikinis so they can parade around the beach looking gorgeous. Unfortunately that also obliges you to slip out of your clothes and try not to look too much like a big hairy beach ball.

How lucky, then, that Maxim should ride to your rescue (on a donkey we borrowed from the man at the seaside, naturally) with our 20 best fat-loss tips.

1 Go to sleep
Yes, it’s the best news you could possibly have, besides Kelly Brook turning up on your doorstep with a pizza and a glint in her eye. Where were we? Oh yes – sleep can help you lose weight. People deprived of sleep have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which causes the body to retain fat. A study at Columbia University last year found that men who slept five hours a night were 50 per cent more likely to be obese than men who slept eight hours of more.

2 Eat breakfast
‘I’m too busy to have breakfast,’ your mouth says. But what your brain is actually saying is, ‘Stuff the muesli, I’m going for pie and chips at lunchtime.’ This is wrong. Breakfast jump-starts the metabolism, and three out of four people who successfully lose weight and keep it off eat breakfast, according to research by the journal Obesity Research.

3 Oh, and lunch
In fact, eat several lunches. Five or six smaller meals throughout the day will keep your metabolism fired up, helping you burn calories. Large, irregular meals will slow your metabolism and encourage your body to store fat.

4 And… relax
Stress may not come in a greasy paper bag with a tub of ketchup and a freshwipe but it does make you fat. Stress produces cortisol, which causes your body to store fat, usually around the waist. Exercise counters it by prompting the production of feel-good endorphins in the brain, but a brisk walk, deep breathing, meditation and stretching all help you relax.

5 Keep a diary
It’s easier to keep track of how you’re getting on if you have a record of what you’re eating, especially if you buy a calorie counter to go with it. Just don’t tell your friends, unless you want them to think you’ve had a sex change.

6 Think positive
Concentrate on eating more of the good things you like rather than less of the bad things. Positive rather than negative thinking will make you more likely to succeed.

7 Have a kebab
Pardon? A kebab? Well, yes. Not the chilli-sauce-down-your-chin variety, but a healthy chicken shish kebab. It’s great home-made on the barbecue. Just grill big chunks of chicken and your favourite veg on a skewer and serve with salad. You’ll never want a doner again.

8 Get cooking
Cooking is a great way of losing weight. A study by Tufts University in the US found that people who cook for themselves are, quite simply, less fat than those who eat out. The reasons: smaller portions, fewer courses and less guilt if you don’t clear your plate.

9 Shrink your plate
Next time you do eat out, consider this: they’ve given you a plate that’s bigger than your table, even though it contains a handful of prawns and sprig of parsley. Why? To keep you feeling hungry and ordering more food. So don’t undo all your own good work in the kitchen. A smaller meal that fills up a smaller plate will convince your brain you’ve had a huge meal.

10 Have a clearout
Your cupboards, that is, because if you don’t actually have any of the fatty snacks you traditionally reach for, you can’t eat them. This applies at work, too. A study by the University of Illinois found that people who kept snacks ten feet away from where they were sitting ate 30 per cent less than those who kept their nibbles within arm’s reach.

11 Go green
Tea is a very British thing, often involving cricket, verandas, full-fat milk and heaps of sugar. So instead try green tea, which cleverly helps increase energy expenditure thanks to the combination of catechins and caffeine.

12 Booze less
Getting legless and throwing up in the beer garden is also very British, but alcohol is the second most calorific nutrient behind fat, providing seven calories per gramme (fat contains nine calories but doesn’t give you a hangover). Booze is particularly dangerous in the summer because it leaves you dehydrated, so sip slowly and have some water to keep your thirst in check.

13 Dress down
Salad may be good for you, but many salad dressings aren’t. Avoid those with mayonnaise, oil or lots of cheese, and go for balsamic vinegar or fat-free dressings.

14 Get gum
Before you roll your eyes, chewing sugar-free gum helps in two ways. First, it stops you nibbling on fatty snacks and second, it can burn off an extra 11 calories per hour. Just don’t do it in our ear on the train, OK?

15 Be patient
Part of the reason diets work in the short term is because they give you instant results, but real weight loss isn’t like that. After the first couple of weeks, when your body sheds excess water, you should only lose one or two pounds a week. Any more than that means you are losing muscle as well as fat.

16 Turn off the heating
This being Britain, the chances of making it through to winter without the occasional cold snap are slim. Don’t touch that boiler! If you’re chilly, your body has to generate heat, which both speeds up the metabolism and encourages you to move around, burning more calories in the process.

17 Don’t diet
The diet industry is based on failure. You diet, you lose weight, you stop dieting, you put the weight back on and you start all over again. So forget the latest fads – losing weight is about making long-term changes to your lifestyle. Try new foods and activities to find the ones you enjoy – you may even find yourself having more fun, too.

18 Get walking…
Advice from the likes of the Government to take the stairs or get off the bus a stop early makes us yawn – we’ve heard it all before a million times. So we say forget the stairs and explore Britain instead. Our country is overflowing with countryside and hilly bits, and even 30 minutes of brisk walking will burn 150 calories without raising a sweat. You’ve got legs, so use them!

19 …except to the pub
Drive to the pub and, if you’re any sort of decent human being, you won’t drink. Allow your mates or your other half to drink instead and you’ll be saving hundreds of calories at a stroke.

20 Do it together
Women spend their lives saying things like, ‘We never do anything together.’ Next time, tell her research has shown that men and women who lose weight together are more likely to keep it off. Tip: tell her you’d like to burn off some calories in the bedroom, but don’t tell her it’s because her bottom is blotting out the sun.