Phillip Hodson, psychotherapist and counsellor, replies: It's not so much what you do but that you're there for her that counts. Grief is a normal reaction to loss and you have to accept the fact that she's miserable and at present unlikely to take any pleasure from life. The normal phases of grief include depression, rage and indifference and you can't hurry along these feelings. It's irrelevant and callous to ask her to cheer up, you have to let the grief take its natural course - it could take a couple of years, there's no magic solution and every individual has a different way of dealing with it. Of course, it's vital that you make sure she's in no danger, but the best way to deal with it is to tell her that you'll always be there for her, both practically and emotionally, but that you understand if she wants to be left alone.