The Family man
What he posts: Just spent the most wonderful day with my beautiful family, I love you all
What it means: Hopefully the wife won't kick up a stink if I go down the Dog Breeders Arms where I will get free pints of weak lager from Karen the Australian bar maid, and maybe a lock-in and quick knee trembler out the back
The Smug Bastard
What he posts: What a start to the day, there's a man on the stairs doing something to the wiring, had to dodge him on the way out, then realised the 4X4 was still at the garage!
What it means: I am a real fucking success! I have my own house and can afford to hire tradesmen to work on it for me I have a large car that is the envy of my neighbours. My job is so important that I have to be there on the dot of nine every day. I am deeply unhappy.
The Culture Vulture
What he posts: Off to see an exhibition of finger painting by partially sighted Puerto Rican street people at the Black Sphere Gallery in Hoxton, it's a great space and they do German wheat beer in the bar which is decorated in the Italian futurist style!
What it means: I will be staying in and watching Cops with Cameras with tin of Heinz chicken big soup.
The Hedonist
What he posts: What a night last night, I am hanging! Got in at half four, Will just texted me and said something about two American girls, a bottle of peach schnapps and some weed. I have no memory of this at all!!!
What it means: In bed by ten again... alone, so very alone.
The Football Lad
What he posts: We was in Cheltenham at nine, straight in the Wetherspoon's were was there famous mob then? We took the piss all day thirty of us (all youth) walking round their town all day unopposed all we see was 3 of theres (scruffy bastards) just before KO hiding behind the old bill.
What it means: Went to Cheltenham for the football me and my dad on the supporters coach, great game and a great atmosphere 3 more points for us. Got there at 1.30 had some fish n' chips and was in the ground for quarter past ten, 9/10 for the programme, very good read!
The Potential Suicide
What he posts: I just feel so bloody awful I don't know what to do what is the point of it life, work, everything I really don't know if it's worth carrying on I just hate myself so much Why do I always hurt the people I love?
What it means: It's Monday evening, I still have a hangover I'm shaking like a shitting dog. I split up with my bird last night because she found out that I shagged Hayley outside the pub when she was ill. Hopefully she'll read this and come back to me ...or maybe Hayley will let me have another go on her
The Music Fan
What he posts: Check out this link, It's a rare live performance of the New Jazz Concerto by the Alan Makowski project featuring the horn section from the Afro/Cuban soul partnership and 'dangerous' Zack Hoffman on percussion. This was filmed at the Gato Negro club in Soho.
What it means: Where's my copy of Now 64?
Masterchef Man
What he posts: Just cooked pan fried sea bass with pine nuts and lemon grass on a bed of polenta with a raspberry jus
What it means: Birds love blokes that can cook look at Jamie Oliver his missus is lovely
Arguementative Bloke
What he posts: All asylum seekers should be sent back now, even the legal ones, gay people deserve to have AIDS. All religions are bad/all religions are good. Celtic and Rangers should be allowed to play in the premier league, Thatcher was alright. The Clash stank.
What it means: Please argue with me, please give me the attention I crave, it's as important as oxygen to me Even if you end up hating me I don't care at least you'll acknowledge that I exist
The Joker
What he posts: My Girlfriend said she is leaving me because I always mis-quote the Terminator films....She'll be back. (or similar)
What it means: He is a member of a site that sends him jokes every day
Read more from the author of this article at: http://loveandprides.blogspot.com
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