The UK's favourite doctorate-swiping shit-prodder has tossed all of her transparent telly credibility into a metaphorical pot of boiling beans by behaving like such a despicable pinhead on I’m A Celebrity… and passing out at the sign of a wet sock. Has all the charisma and warmth of a frozen turnip.

No legs but a brain bigger than small settee, Stephen Hawking is to thinking what Sara Lee is to chocolate gateaux, averaging at least 700 thoughts per second, 11% of which mortal man can understand. Looks a little bit like Gillian McKeith preparing to face a rather unseemly jungle challenge.

The Most Powerful Pornohead on the Planet, globally renowned for publishing sexually graphic videos and magazines, he probably even exports quality grot to Mars. An excellent bloke who was consigned to his chair by white supremacist serial killer Joseph Paul Franklin who was outraged by an interracial photo shoot in Hustler. Buy Hustler now in his spine’s honour.

"That's what all these cripples down at the VA talk about: Jesus this and Jesus that. They even had a priest come and talk to me. He said God is listening and if I found Jesus, I'd get to walk beside him in the kingdom of Heaven. Did you hear what I said? WALK beside him in the kingdom of Heaven! Well kiss my crippled ass. God is listening? What a crock of s**t.” Top man.

Topdog of the Daleks and general power-hungry type who once stole earth along with 26 other planets and like a pernickety neighbour with a football, refused to give them back to "teach everyone a lesson". What we imagine Gillian McKeith is going to look like should they manage to confiscate the fuckbag little smidgen of salt she chucks in her tasteless vedgie slop every evening.

Didn't let the small matter of losing the use of his legs stop him from chasing the nefarious underworld of San Francisco, sometimes even literally. And when his rubber wheels rode the surface of a crime scene you could amost feel the accused squirm. Four-wheeled super sleuth.

Bothersome, highly aggressive sidekick to Mr Rodney 'McKeith' Hull who – genuinely frightened children aside - attacked anything in sight including Michael Parkinson on his eponymous television show in 1976, knocking him off his chair. Didn’t even walk anywhere. Lazy, feisty, unfunny c*nt.

Superman was a very human-looking alien blasted to Earth by his mad-gowned dad to teach homosapiens a new form of reliance, both on him and on his spandex undergarments, and Christopher Reeve embodied this vacuous, condescending do-gooder's vibe better than anyone.

Speaking of overbearing do-gooders, paraplegic mutant Charles Xavier harbours his superpowers with all the eccentricity of a dusty sparkplug. Mate! You’re a high-level telepath who can read, control and influence human minds. Do something fun with it, jeez...

Alan Moore's graphic novel Batman: The Killing Joke depicts the Joker shooting Barbara through the spinal cord in her civilian identity and leaving her a paraplegic. Her bipedallity has not been restored since. (Doesn’t look like Gillian McKeith.)