Beautiful, talented, likeable, intelligent, witty und modest are just some of ways Megan Fox has been described in interviews, by herself.

Vhen I landed on Eminem at ze MTV Movie Awards last year, what upset me most was zat Robert was sitting just 5 places away from him. Ich vould have loved it if it vas him who had ended up wearing my thighs.

He gets more und more gorgeous every year. People wonder vhy he hasn’t got married yet – it isn’t because he hasn’t found ze right partner yet, it’s because he lives in LA und California law won’t allow him to.

Vhy oh vhy did he have to die so young? People say he vas 50, but in fact, about 70% of his body vas less zan 15 years old.

In terms of being a world leader, ich wish he would try to be more like Gandhi und just walk around in his underpants.

Ich love zis guy, he’s so cute! He looks like Columbo’s sexy cousin. Stop hating on him!! Vhy should America be ze only country allowed Presidents zat ze people didn’t vote for?

Vhat a total genius; by getting everyone to talk about her clothes, she has diverted attention away from ze fact she has a face like a horse und her music ist hunddreck. By ze vay, ich know for a fact zat she should really be called, “Ladyboy Ga Ga”.

He really has grown up; last year in Ibiza he gave my freund Gunther Weggs ein 'magic potion' of 2 parts vodka, 2 parts Red Bull und 1 part roofie. 4 days later Gunther had hogwarts all over his schvantzen.

Now zat Michael’s gone, she has become ze undisputed Queen of Pop - und it’s a perfect swap, she’s ze same age, just a bit less white und a bit less feminine.

His Twitter postings have been an inspiration to millions of kids. Zey have shown zat it’s still possible to be really famous und really rich despite being barely literate und having an IQ of about 30.