Carol Vorderman

Reason Given: "The comedy value of asking her for a B-L-O-W-J-O-B. Then actually getting one."

Tracey Emin

Reason Given: "She likes a drink, has good tits and I'd like future generations to see my name sewn into that tent she made."

HRH Queen Elizabeth ll

Reason Given: "I think it would be a real turn-on imagining you might be producing a bastard heir to the throne."

Susan Boyle

Reason Given: "If she had something stuffed in her mouth we wouldn't have to hear that fucking voice for a few minutes."

Sarah Palin

Reason Given: "I'd like to roughly bang her knowing I could never sleep with anyone stupider as long as I lived."

Lorraine Kelly

Reason Given: "I'd like to watch her making me big breakfast while soothing me with the days headlines."

Judge Judy

Reason Given: "I'd quite like to force myself on her as she stricly ordered me not to."

Jo Frost

Reason Given: "She could sit on the naughty step and talk to my naughty stick."

Helen Mirren

Reason Given: "She'd be like all those slightly sexy friends of your mum's rolled up into a stockinged posh filth packet."

Amy Winehouse

Reason Given: "She'd be skank-filthy in bed and go on for hours like a meth head, and you'd get a powerful passive high from her sweat.