Starscream

The least cool supersonic fighter plane ever. Super high-pitched voice and mad tendency to whine about stuff. Megatron's bitch.

C3PO

Biggest gayer ever. Always making eyes at Artoo, berating Solo and trying to get a look at Chewy's cock. Even fancies that numpty, Skywalker: 'I would much rather have gone with Master Luke than stay here with you.'

Tin Man

Singing, dancing, dustbin of a gayer who hung around with Judy Garland and was mad in touch with his "feelings". Had no problem with mincing and crying in public. Wouldn't last two minutes in a pub garden in Bermondsey.

K.I.T.T

Dependable, sure, but ultra annoying to boot. He's probably secretly irritated he's made of impregnable alloy or he'd get his backdoor smashed in more often.

The T-100

Makes elderly bikers strip naked, has mad taste in leather jackets and is unnaturally obsessed with John Connor. If he's in the Admiral Duncan and he's looking at you, you WILL yield.

Robby

Spends all his time with a young boy in a space suit and gets perpetually probed by a elderly doctor. Dome-headed, intergalactic pansy.

Johnny Five

Obsessed with "input" and screwing himself. "I'm aliiiiiiive!" Yeah, keep it down mate.

Data

Got sexually aroused when he choked a Borg to death, had mad shiny hair and was never really keen on throwing the boot into anyone. Clear, suppressed homoerotica.

Metal Mickey

Had the campest phrase ever – "Boogie boogie!" – the utterance of which would send likeminded humanoids into fits of stupid, dancey ecstasy. Super-bent.

Twiki

Lesbian dinner lady fringe gives it a bit of the underage East European club pansy. 'Bidibidibidi' probably meant 'Can I suck your balls?'