London Cosmos

8 players with big ambitions... say hello to the London Cosmos

5 Pints and half a bottle of Benylin…
 
To put it bluntly, it was a bad week for the Cosmonauts. The Off Whites were down a bare squad of six and were up against the established force of Apex Barcelona in week two.
 
To add insult to injury the Cosmos were dealt a severe blow when ace shot stopper Christian Sanderson had to pull out due to sponsorship commitments. Luckily Rob Smith was more than happy to don the – already hallowed – gloves of Sanderson and did a sterling job between the sticks keeping the goals against column down to seven, such was the lack of cohesion and protection offered by the four men outfield.
 
The beginning of the game was like Groundhog Day as the Cosmos went 1-0 down within the opening minutes thanks to lack of organisation and effort from the Off Whites. The only difference this week was that the next goal was not the start of a dramatic and beautiful comeback, but a sign of how the rest of the match was going to pan out. The Cosmos were outmuscled, outmanoeuvred and outflanked as Apex Barcelona slotted another neatly into the net and doubled their lead.
 
What happened next was quiet miraculous. Ben ‘chopper’ Newson powered through Apex’s high defence and gave neither the goalkeeper of the pig skin any say in the matter as he smashed home the Comos’ first. A half cut and Benylined up Stuart Messham briefly turned into Popeye on the mother of all spinach binges and banged goals number two and three past the stunned and utterly powerless Apex goalie.

The Cosmos touch paper was alight, total football was being played, Apex Barcelona couldn’t get a sniff, the Cosmonaut’s second win was a certainty, then the poxy ref neglected his duty and let a serious of travesties go. None more outrageous than the period of volleyball that Apex started to play between minutes 12 and 15. When the ref finally did blow the whistle it was only to signal half time, there was a sour taste in the home team’s mouth as the scores read three a piece at the halfway mark.
 
The Cosmos looked depleted in the Second half. The slick passing had stopped and the decisions weren’t going their way. Chopper Newson’s dodgy knee started to swell and the marauding Court’s indulgences from the day/night before were beginning to tell. Cue two easy goals for Apex Barcelona and a mountain to climb for the Cosmos.
 
Debutant Solhil Wial was having none of it though. He got on the end of a bland attack from the cosmonauts and provided a glimmer of hope for the Off Whites to walk away with something from this dismal performance. That was short lived though as the ball was given away cheaply from some less than intelligent play and the cause was lost. An abundance of salt was later added in to the Cosmos’ gaping wound as the final goal was put past disbelieving debutant Rob Smith.
 
“The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated…it is finished when it surrenders.”
 
Ben Stein, 1944
 
Viva Los Cosmos!