Maxim: You are probably the most talked about bodypart in sport at the moment, we have to admit it, we’re really bored of you.
Ledley King’s left knee: I’m in pain, constantly. Honestly, it’s aaaaaagony. [Cries.]
Maxim: Gosh, you really are annoying aren’t you?
LKLK: The cartilage surrounding me is effectively wrecked. Bones rub together. Fluid floods into the joint after rigorous exercise and sometimes I just don’t get enough time to drain it. [Cries]
Maxim: Is there anything we can do that will make you a non-story for the rest of the tournament, we can already foresee “Ledley’s knee’s up” headlines when you spontaneously combust after 4 minutes against America…
LKLK: I’m in pain, constantly. Honestly, it’s aaaaaagony. [Cries]
Maxim: Have you consulted any other famous body parts to see how to cope with all this media attention?
LKLK: I speak to Becks’ second metatarsal and his Achilles tendon every day. And I rang Didier Drogba’s elbow last night. I don’t know if anyone is more important than me at the moment though.
Maxim: Even if David Cameron got caught wanking on his webcam you’d still be the most talked about bodypart of the year, wouldn’t you?
LKLK: Yes.
Maxim: We hate you. But whole TV stations seem to be able to talk about you for hours. Hopefully someone will start a Ledley King left knee drinking game to null the pain.
LKLK: Cheers.
Maxim: Not your pain, ours.
LKLK: I’m in pain, constantly. Honestly, it’s aaaaaagony. [Signals to agent to wrap up interview. Cries. Wonders off to do some monotonous exercise in a South African swimming pool.]
Next week: MATTHEW UPSON GROIN TWINGE EXCLUSIVE!
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