If Maxim aren't reading about Ledley King's creaky knees (yawn), then we're usually listening to tabloid hacks moaning that we've taken stronger squads to the World Cup, or excitable pundits w**king off that this is one of our finest collection of able footballers yet.
So which is it, chaps? Maxim compares our current squad with our six previous ones since 1982. *VOTE IN OUR RIGHT-HAND POLL*
1982 Squad:
GK: Ray Clemence, Peter Shilton, Joe Corrigan
DEF: Terry Butcher, Viv Anderson, Steve Foster, Phil Neal, Mick Mills, Kenny Sansom, Phil Thompson
MID: Trevor Brooking, Steve Coppell, Glenn Hoddle, Terry McDermott, Graham Rix, Bryan Robson, Ray Wilkins
STR: Kevin Keegan, Paul Mariner, Trevor Francis, Peter Withe, Tony Woodcock
How far did they go? Knocked out in the second round group stages. No games lost the saving grace.
Maxim Ratings:
GK: 9/10
Not an entirely exciting line-up in terms of a few beers after the game, but with Clemence and Shilton in the same squad, has there ever been a stronger England keeper set-up between the posts?
DEF: 8/10
The quartet of Mills, Sansom, Thompson and Butcher were rock solid in all five games - Butcher even supplying the header for a Robson goal. But defence doesn't win games. It holds draws.
MID: 6/10
Rix, Robson, Wilkins and Coppell held play up well, but failed to create chances for the attack. Brooking and Hoddle didn't get enough playing time to really shine.
STR: 3/10
Francis and Mariner did well in early games, but failed to produce at all in the second round. Keegan only played 26 minutes.
STRENGTH IN DEPTH: 2/10
Would you want Steve Foster standing in for Terry Butcher? And Tony Woodcock didn't set the world alight coming in to bolster the attack in the final game.
OVERALL: 28/50
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1986 Squad:
GK: Peter Shilton, Chris Woods, Gary Bailey
DEF: Gary Stevens, Kenny Samson, Terry Butcher, Viv Anderson, Alvin Martin, Terry Fenwick, Gary A. Stevens
MID: Glenn Hoddle, Bryan Robson, Ray Wilkins, Chris Waddle, John Barnes, Peter Reid, Trevor Steven, Steve Hodge
STR: Gary Lineker, Peter Beardsley, Mark Hateley, Kerry Dixon
How far did they go? Quarter-Finals, KO'd by Maradona's 'Hand of God' and solo wonder goal
Maxim Ratings:
GK: 7/10
Real range of haricuts and abilities. Shilton was better in 1990 (he must have worked on his jumping) and Chris Woods was never really that good, was he? Fairly decent though.
DEF: 7.5/10
If Maradona's second goal was anything to go by, even the first-choice back line didn't know how to even foul, let alone tackle. Butcher raises the bar again but needed a pacier accomplice.
MID: 7.5/10
Bobby Robson was never afraid to mix things up and the secong string midfielders all played their part in a memorable tournament. A crocked Bryan Robson didn't help matters.
STR: 8/10
Lineker won the golden boot, Beardsley was a conniving genius and Hateley was a decent if very ugly target man. Kerry Dixon, though?
STRENGTH IN DEPTH: 8/10
As we said, the second string midfield performed admirably. If only Bobby had put John Barnes on earlier than 74 minutes in Mexico City. If onlys eh...
OVERALL: 38/50
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1990 Squad:
GK: Peter Shilton, Chris Woods, Dave Beasant
DEF: Paul Parker Stuart Pearce, Terry Butcher, Des Waker, Mark Wright, Tony Dorigo, Gary Stevens
MID: Paul Gascoigne, Bryan Robson, David Platt, Chris Waddle, John Barnes, Steve McMahon, Trevor Steven, Steve Hodge, Neil Webb
STR: Gary Lineker, Peter Beardsley, Steve Bull
How far did they go? Penalty shoot-out horror vs Germany in the semi-finals
Maxim Ratings:
GK: 8/10
Peter Shilton at the peak of his powers, with an able deputy in Chris Woods.
DEF: 8.5/10
Walker and Butcher combined to bring pace and 'beef' to the central defence, Wright was a classy sweeper when Robbo reverted to a 5-3-2 for the Holland game, Pearce was a tough-tackling psycho, and Paul Parker was good when he wasn't deflecting free-kicks over Shilton's head.
MID: 9/10
Gazza was the star of the tournament, and has arguably been England's most gifted performer at a tournament. Platt was our goalscoring darkhorse, and Waddle and Barnes offered tricky wing-play. It was just a shame that Bryan Robson got crocked right at the start of the tournament - again.
STR: 6/10
Lineker was in sizzling form once more. But with Division One Wolves striker Steve Bull waiting in the wings, it was a good thing the perma-tanned crips man was never on the receiving end of some crunching Cameroon tackles. Then we'd have been buggered.
STRENGTH IN DEPTH: 7.5/10
Only in attack were we severely short.
OVERALL: 39/50
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1998 Squad:
GK: David Seaman, Nigel Martyn, Tim Flowers
DEF: Gary Neville, Sol Campbell, Tony Adams, Graeme Le Saux, Gareth Southgate, Rio Ferdinand, Martin Keown
MID: Paul Ince, David Beckham, Paul Scholes, Darren Anderton, Paul Merson, David Batty, Steve McManaman, Rob Lee
STR: Alan Shearer, Teddy Sheringham, Michael Owen, Les Ferdinand
How far did it go? Knocked out in the second round to Argentina on pens after Beck's petulant kick at Simeone.
Maxim Ratings:
GK: 9/10
Seaman was the worthy successor to Shilts, and understudy Martyn would stroll into today's first XI without breaking sweat.
DEF: 9/10
Tony Adams was captain of England's meanest defence at club level, Sol Campbell (23 at the time) was developing into a world class centre half, and Gary Neville is probably England's most solid ever right-back. No Stuart Pearce though, and 19-year-old Rio was only taken along for the experience.
MID: 7.5/10
A sweet balance of snarly grit (Ince) and creative brilliance (Scholes), although the young Becks was bizarrely left out of the early line-ups before his dopey red card against the Argies. Anderton and McManaman were fleet-footed, but didn't always perform on the grand stage.
STR: 10/10
Simply awesome, with the perfect blend of power, vision and pace. Even 18-year-old Owen was a massive threat when unleashed - remember his blistering solo strike against Argentina?
STRENGTH IN DEPTH: 8/10
Keown was a solid centre-back to fall back on. No obvious back-up for defensive midfielders, though.
OVERALL: 43.5/50
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2002 Squad:
GK: David Seaman, Nigel Martyn, David James
DEF: Rio Ferdinand, Sol Campbell, Ashley Cole, Danny Mills, Wes Brown, Martin Keown, Gareth Southgate, Wayne Bridge
MID: David Beckham Paul Scholes, Nicky Butt, Owen Hargreaves, Trevor Sinclair, Joe Cole, Kieron Dyer
STR: Michael Owen, Emile Heskey, Robbie Fowler, Teddy Sheringham, Darius Vassell
How far did they go? Quarter finals against eventual champs Brazil.
Maxim Ratings:
GK: 7.5/10
Seaman was starting to look creaky, which was proved when Ronaldinho's strange free-kick ballooned over his head to send England packing.
DEF: 8/10
The beginning of Rio and Campbell's blossoming partnership. Oddly though, Danny 'the nutter' Mills was our surprise star man, replacing the injured Gary Neville and turning in some card-free showings. He was pretty lousy ever after, though.
MID: 8/10
Man United's old youth team of Becks, Scholes (and sometimes Butt) ran the show. Problem left-man slot was ably filled by darkhorse Trevor Sinclair.
STR: 8.5/10
Shearer may have hung up his international boots, but Owen was in his concorde-paced prime, and Heskey had evolved into the perfect big man foil. When he wasn't tumbling onto his arse, that is.
STRENGTH IN DEPTH: 7.5/10
Plenty of options up front with Fowler, the pacey, not-yet-shit Vassell and evergreen Teddy. There were a few 'problem' positions, though, most notably on the left. And Hargreaves was still in his boo-boy phase back then.
OVERALL: 39.5/40
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2006 Squad:
GK: Paul Robinson, David James, Scott Carson
DEF: Rio Ferdinand, Sol Campbell, Ashley Cole, Gary Neville, John Terry, Jamie Carragher, Wayne Bridge
MID: David Beckham, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Owen Hargreaves, Jermaine Jenas, Michael Carrick, Aaron Lennon, Stewart Downing
STR: Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen, Peter Crouch, Theo Walcott
How far did they go? Knocked out in the quarter-final on pens after a really shit draw against Portugal.
Maxim Ratings:
GK: 6.5/10
Paul Robinson was pretty decent back then, but this was the end of England's Shilton/Clemence/Seaman 'safe hands' eras.
DEF: 9.5/10
Potentially the best in the world at the time, with Campbell and Rio both world-class, and Neville and Cashley running the flanks with zero fuss.
MID: 9.5/10
Our 'golden generation' of Becks, Lampard, Gerrard and
Joe Cole, who was England's answer to a Brazilian wizard, while Hargreaves surprised everyone by developing into a superb defensive midfielder. But for
all their individual ability, this unit struggled to gel. Scholes had retired from international duty, too.
STR: 5/10
An unfit Rooney, a fragile Owen didn't last five mins (literally) against Sweden before crocking his knee under his own bodyweight, and a gangly, unproven Crouch. Then there was Walcott...
STRENGTH IN DEPTH: 4/10
No reserve holding men and feeble striker options. A right selection cock-up by Uncle Sven.
OVERALL: 34.5/50
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2010 Squad:
GK: David James, Robert Green, Joe Hart
DEF: John Terry, Ledley King, Ashley Cole, Glen Johnson, Matthew Upson, Michael Dawson, Steven Warnock, Jamie Carragher
MID: Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Aaron Lennon, Gareth Barry, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Michael Carrick
STR: Wayne Rooney, Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch, Emile Heskey
How far will it go???
Maxim Ratings:
GK: 5/10
An ageing, injury prone James, a relatively inexperienced and slightly inconsistent Green, and a raw novice in Hart. Arguably our weakest ever goalkeeping options when you consider our previous riches.
DEF: 7.5/10
Could be excellent, but there's now no Rio, Terry's form is a concern, and then there's - GNNNNNNNNRGGGHHH - the hugely publicised plight of Ledley's knees. Plus, he was tripe against Mexico, despite being aceness personified for Spurs. Our first-choice full-backs are very good, though.
MID: 9.5/10
As long as Barry gets fit quickly and Joe Cole continues his fine return to form, this is arguably one of our most balanced and threatening midfield line-ups in history. Plenty of experience, too. Walcott's ommission was still a teeny surprise though, considering his frightening pace and potential to score goals - even if he left his decision-making in Southampton, 2005.
STR: 7/10
Rooney's one of the Top 3 Players in the world, but who will partner him? That is the question...
STRENGTH IN DEPTH: 4/10
Pray no-one gets injured or sent off because, despite a potentially explosive first XI, there's worryingly short and inexperienced back-up for most positions. Wright-Philips, Carrick and Heskey don't even get many games for their club sides. At least Downing wasn't considered, though.
OVERALL: 33/50
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