(Germany)

Shitty-goateed striker notched 18 goals for Schalke last season, but he's been left in international limbo by coach Joachim Low after he stormed out of a qualifer. Live and learn, you petulant plank!

(Brazil) 

He may be just a 20-year-old toddler, but the AC Milan striker still spanks them in for fun. Not enough to win him a place in the Brazil squad though. "Nadgers!" he nearly exclaimed to Maxim.

(Brazil)

'Dwight Yorke in a comedy wig' was previously hailed one of the best players in the world and has netted 62 times in 97 internationals. Despite decent form this year, he'll be brushing those giant gnashers at home in 2010.

(Brazil)

Top scorer in the Brazilian league last year, his unexpected Ade Akinbiyi-esque form for Flamengo this year, plus off-field issues, such as being linked with West Ham, means he won't be in South Africa.

(Italy)

The mega-skilled 'bad boy' doesn't get on with Italian coach Lippi, and even booked his wedding during World Cup time as another 'swivel on this' message to his boss. Not that he would've got picked anyway.

(France)

Hailed the 'new Zidane', the tricky forward's indifferent form for Real Madrid has cost him a place in the France's 'handball' side, despite their own indifferent form. (Except at handball).

(Italy)

The Juventus left-back slammed in the winning spot-kick at 2006 to bag the trophy. No setiment here, though. Italian coach Lippi told him to 'do one' for 2010. Yet at 32, he would've been one of Italy's youngest players. Seriously.

(Argentina)

The heartbeat of an Inter side that scooped the treble this year, yet not enough to win a place in Maradona's struggling side. Right-e-o, then... Shame he's not English.

(Holland)

He turned down offers in the Premiership, went to Hamburg, but clearly didn't bang in enough goals to win a place to South Africa. How he must regret not going to West Ham...

(Argentina)

Long in the tooth, aye, but he has 136 caps to his name and just won the Champions League AND Serie A with Inter Milan. Shame he's not English because he pisses all over Leighton Baines (going by the Mexico friendly!).