JOE HART (Birmingham City)

As long as a backpass never bobbles over his foot, he may yet become England's established number one.

Runner-Up:

H GOMES (Spurs)

Laughing stock turned champion safe hands as Spurs crept a surprise Champs League place.

BRANISLAV IVANOVIC (Chelsea)

Tough-tackling, consistent and um, Serbian. What more can you ask for in a right-back? Ah yes, English nationality...

Runner-Up:

We can't think. Answers on a postcard, please.

GARY CAHILL (Bolton)

Scored a few with his head, and got a £20million transfer fee slapped on his butt.

Runner-Up:

RICHARD DUNNE (Aston Villa)

Man City flogged him for a few bob, then bought Lescott for £20m. 'Arf!

LEDLEY KING (Spurs)

Last year Ol' Creaky Knees was wetting himself in police stations, this year he was being England's best defender. Fair play.

Runner-Up:

THOMAS VERMAELEN (Arsenal)

Not a bad signing. Just ask our Ed. who had him in his fantasy team.

ASHLEY COLE (Chelsea)

The secretary-texting wing marauder may have lost his bird, but he never lost his skills. Even when he was out crocked.

Runner-Up:

PATRICE EVRA (Man Utd)

Yeah, yeah, too predictable, I know. But he's a darn fine full-back.

GARETH BALE (Spurs)

A few months ago, Championship clubs were sniffing. Now he's probably worth more than a freshly-discovered diamond mine in Africa.

Runner-Up:

JAMES MILNER (Aston Villa)

Superb season. It's astonishing this guy didn't make our starting XI. It's a good thing we're not pro managers.

CESC FABREGAS (Arsenal)

It's utterly scary that this guy isn't a guaranteed starter for Spain. Holy shit, they must be good!

Runner-Up:

FRANK LAMPARD (Chelsea)

A really poor season apparently, but he still out-scored England striker Jermain Defoe.

JAMIE O'HARA (Portsmouth)

He may have missed the Cup semi against Spurs, but the loanee was still the heartbeat behind Pompey's stroll to Wembley. Funny head, though.

Runner-Up:

SCOTT PARKER (West Ham)

It wasn't all gloom at the Boleyn as the talismanic Scotty collaborated with Hull and Burnley to single-handedly keep the Irons up.

STEVEN PIENAAR (Everton)

Reckon South Africa will be World Cup whipping boys? What, with this guv running the flanks?

Runner-Up:

FLORENT MALOUDA (Chelsea)

An expensive flop last year, a bargain this year!

WAYNE ROONEY (Man Utd)

Losing his hair seemed to enable him to head the ball harder. Utterly essential to England's World Cup cause, which is a ridiculous understatement.

Runner-Up:

BOBBY ZAMORA (Fulham)

Hot-fired his 'small' London team into the Europa Cup final.

CARLOS TEVEZ (Man City)

Slow goalscoring start, ended up with some absurd goal-to-games ratio that will baffle mathematicians for centuries.

Runner-Up:

DIDIER DROGBA (Chelsea)

He banged in a few, too.