Sven at Notts County

The Ladies Have Their Say

	Sometimes when we’re having sex my husband talks in the same accent as Sven

We went through a period in our lives when we were obsessed with Sven. Everything he did was ace. He wore stacked shoes and apparently left them very neatly placed outside Ulrika Jonsson’s bedroom door when he nipped round there for a bit of nookie. He had a mate that he took everywhere called Tord, wore those mad rimless glasses and spoke in hushed, reassuring tones. He even uttered amusing quirks of the English language and got all huffy whenever we lost on penalties. What a character.

With this in mind we went to Nottingham, a frisky little town that houses six ladies to every bloke, and asked nearly seven of the local Dorises what they thought of Sven’s imminent arrival...

Kirsty, 24, hairdresser
‘As soon as I found out I booked myself a leg wax at Valentino's. As long as he's not here before half five/twenty-to-six, I'll be ready!’

Barbera, 41, housewife
‘I’ve always fantasised about having a threesome with him and Tord Grip. Infact, sometimes my husband talks in the same accent as Sven when we're having sex. It drives my hips potty. **** me Sven!’

Wendy, 38, tarot reader
‘******* him is definitely on the cards. I’d definitely **** him or even **** him or ******* **** him for that matter.’

Kirsty, 35, builder
‘I doubt he’d be any good with a Hod but he can squeeze my **** or my **** any time he likes!’

Marian, 26, maid
‘I'd like to get merry in his knickers, so I would! He can stick his Sherwood in my Forest anytime! I'll even tickle his Little John! HahahahaHAAAAAAA. Okay, that's enough now. Piss off'

Linda, 24, tramp
‘I’d ask him for a pound any day!’