MAXIM: Let's cut to the chase 'cos we know you don't like to mess around! What's the most offensive joke you've ever told, and what happened because of it?
JIMMY: Offence is taken not given I think, so it's not really for me to say what the most offensive was. Now, I like a crude joke, in terms of offence, people get offended by different things. Tends to be people who weren't at the gig or show that get offended, it'll get reported in the paper and then they'll start phoning people up affected by the tragedy asking them if they're offended by it. Of course they're offended, but they weren't at the gig! In terms of rude jokes? I like a rude joke. What's the difference between jam and marmalade?
MAXIM: No idea.
JIMMY: You can't marmalade your cock up a bird's arse.
MAXIM: Now we're trying to think of a way that you could.
JIMMY: [laughing] Don't start trying to use marmalade as lube now, Maxim. God bless ya though for thinking it.
MAXIM: We wanted to see if there was anyone out there in Twitter-land that had questions they wanted to ask, one of our favourites was 'Do you wear eyeliner or are you just naturally beautiful?'
JIMMY: I do wear eyeliner! I've got eyes like pissholes in the snow, I think is the polite way of putting it. I've got quite small eyes and if I'm lit from above I look like a blind boy who's won a competition to be on television. So yeah, I wear a little bit of eyeliner underneath and you know what? I recommend it. I'm quite metrosexual, I'm into using a bit of moisturiser, little bit of dermalogica in the morning! I'm in showbusiness, I'm allowed! You look at me and think, "You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter." Wise words.
MAXIM: We don't like glitter. All we have to do is look at it and it ends up on our faces for three days. Anyway. Your laugh is rather amazing, as previously demonstrated. Do you do any exercises to keep it in shape?
JIMMY: I've only just recently figured out what's wrong with my laugh. Most people laugh on the out-breath like 'hah hah' whereas I laugh on in the in, so I go 'huh huh huh', so it sounds like a goose being raped. Don't ask me how I know that, but it sounds exactly like a goose. That I raped... shit.
MAXIM: Don't worry, we'll edit that part out. It won't go anywhere near the article. On the subject of your laugh though, we only became aware of it within the last couple of years, even though you've been on TV for quite a lot longer than that. WHY?!
JIMMY: It's a weird thing, I don't think I was relaxed enough for the first 4 or 5 years of being on TV to relax and just laugh, whereas now with 8 Out of 10 Cats with Sean and The Big Fat Quiz of the Year with Jonathan and Rob Brydon, you just end up being more relaxed and grow up in public. You end up being in a state where you just go, "Well, I'm being paid to have a laugh", and it's great. It's the best job in the world. You just start laughing normally, and this is my genuinely ridiculous laugh. People go, 'Is that REALLY your laugh or are you putting it on?' Who puts on a laugh? What kind of retard!
MAXIM: We were tempted to ask, but we didn't want to be called retards because we'd cry. Here's an interesting one; if you were a cake, what cake would you be?
JIMMY: If I was a cake?! I think I would be a fairy cake. I said it before you got a chance. Are we talking your favourite cake or the kind of cake that sums you up as a person? As a comedian you'd have to have some nuts in there. We are slightly wrong. Comedians tend to be nice people, they get on with everyone very well, they need to be liked, but they're a little nuts. Best quote I ever heard about comedians was 'In a room of 3000 people we're the one person facing the wrong way', and that really nails what we're like... just a little bit off.
MAXIM: What's the funniest thing your girlfriend has ever said?
JIMMY: Funniest thing she's ever said... well, we were at this dinner thing, and we're chatting away, and someone said "Ah, Jimmy must be so fun to live with!" and she just lost it laughing and told them I'm kind of a dick and I'm always 'on'. She's pretty funny. You'd have to have a pretty good sense of humour to put up with me. Just think of the amount of jokes that start with 'my girlfriend' and end in terror.
MAXIM: We liked the one you told about the breadmaker.
JIMMY: Oh yeah? At the Apollo. True story that!
MAXIM: What's the weirdest thing you've seen on the internet?
JIMMY: I think the same as everyone really; Tubgirl, Lemon Party and 2 Girls 1 Cup. That holy trinity of weird is the same as everyone else right? I dunno... is there anything weirder than that?
MAXIM: You should check out 1 Guy 1 Jar.
JIMMY: 1 Guy 1 Jar?! Oh no I do not wanna see that.
MAXIM: You don't. But you know you're gonna watch it.
JIMMY: I know I will. It's weird. I think the worst thing I've ever seen is a website called rotten.com. [it's still there! - Ed] When the internet was still quite young over here, about 10 or 12 years ago, I got recommended to check it out. It is HORRENDOUS. I saw a weightlifter on that, big, powerful guy, lifting an incredible weight and he has an anal prolapse. It's like a fucking sea snake. Almost like a tail darts out. I challenge anyone to watch it once, you'll have to watch it again.
MAXIM: We accept your challenge. You're going to scar yourself with 1 Guy 1 Jar so it's only fair really. Are you a cat or a dog person and why?
JIMMY: At the moment I've got a cat, a rescue cat, and they're very independent and easy to look after. Having a cat is like having a child you don't care about. Like having a child and not worrying about social services. Like having a latchkey kid. Like having a child in the early 70s and going, 'Yeah, he's fine, he can walk home from school!' Give him some pocket money in the morning and say 'Yep, see ya at six!'.
MAXIM: Do you have any favourite comedians at the minute? Famous or otherwise!
JIMMY: I'll give you two non-famous and one famous one. Two non famous ones, Joe Wilkinson, who I think is incredible, and Nick Helm, who I also think is incredible. Nick Helm, for a Maxim reader, he's like Johnny Vegas was 10 years ago. Get in a room with him live? Unbelievably good. Joe Wilkinson is the neighbour from upstairs in Him & Her. Kind of a weird looking dude but just so funny. Famous comedian, it's not gonna get any better than Billy Connolly. He's the man.
MAXIM: Who would win in a three-way fight between you, David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker?
JIMMY: I must say Charlie Brooker is looking good at the moment, down to his fighting weight! I think me and David in a fight would be something that no one wants to see. What's the opposite of pay-per-view?! It would not be good.
MAXIM: There's a little bit of us that wants to see it happen now. Tell us something most people don't know about you that would SHOCK THE WORLD.
JIMMY: I am a qualified psychotherapist. That's how fucked up that industry is. Imagine how fucked up you would have to be to come to me for help.
MORE FEATURES
Bookmark this post with: