Road to Africa...

Chris Kamara

So Chris, have you missed any sendings off recently? [And if you don’t know what we’re talking about, watch the video above!]

I don’t think I’m going to live this one down. Initially, the director of the show [Soccer Saturday] had a right go, and told me to concentrate and watch the game. But since that match, two-million people have watched it on YouTube and I’ve been interviewed on US, Australian, New Zealand and Dutch TV. So it wasn't a complete disaster in the end!

So, come on a red card for Portsmouth's Vanden Borre, how did you miss that one?

Well it was raining, and I was in the corner without a raincoat and getting soaked. And the game wasn’t great, so I was really just glancing over my shoulder, watching the game. When Borre was red carded, he just jogged off, the crowd weren't shouting, so I thought they were bringing a substitute on!

You’ve just made a World Cup song with the England Band. If you could form a band out of fellow football pros, who would you recruit?

Dion Dublin plays a mean saxophone, Andy Reid of Sunderland plays guitar very well. Ainsworth at Wycombe is another guitarist. I’m sure you can get a decent supergroup out of footballers. Oh Peter Schmeichel plays piano! He played it with Robbie Williams in Copenhagen. He played 'Angels'.

I can only imagine him doing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

Yeah! ‘Cos he looks like… [tails off]

How are England going to do at the World Cup?

I think we’re going to win it.

Really?

I think we’ve got three world class players and some very good players. I think Gerrard, Lampard and Rooney would get into anyone's team, so that gives us a chance. And I don’t think any other teams possess more than three world class players, although Spain have some very good players.

Our defence is looking creaky, though…

I think Terry’s come back into form now that the Bridge stuff has all died down. Rio’s been a problem because of his injuries, but King’s emerged as someone who could fill his boots comfortably. We’re not too bad off.

Would you take King, what with his injury problems?

Yeah, I would. His positional sense is outstanding. It’s that positional sense that we possibly lack at the back.

Do you see any weak areas in our team?

Not really, I think both full-backs are very lively. The only thing I would possibly change is operate Rooney as a lone striker, which would allow Gerrard to play in his best position behind the striker, and Lampard also plays behind the one striker, too. It might make us a bit more solid, but I wouldn’t question Capello.

How about Joe Cole? He’s surely essential to the England cause, but has had an inconsistent season…

Joe Cole would be in that system of mine on the left. I’d put Adam Johnson on the right, and use Barry as the holding player if he’s fit. It makes it a very good team.

Adam Johnson on the right instead of Aaron Lennon?

The thing about Lennon is that you’d pick him for certain games where you might need a bit more pace. [But] he possibly needs to think about the game a bit more. He’ll get better as he gets older, but at the moment, he relies too much on his pace and doesn’t concentrate on the final ball.

You’re going to the World Cup to report. What’s the best World Cup you’ve been to previously?

Japan! I went there with Jeff Stelling and he should’ve been the first English fan sent home for trouble. He was swaying through his drunkenness and accidentally fell against a parked Harley Davidson motorbike and it went through the back windscreen of a car. And we ran like all good citizens do! He said we’d get caught because there weren’t many other 6ft black men and fat Englishman among the locals. So I rang him the next day when he was asleep and pretended to be the man from reception, and told him the police were here. He confessed to everything!

That’s very honest of him. You must be very excited about going to South Africa, you very lucky bugger.

I can’t wait. I get paid for watching football. It’s absolutely outstanding. This my fourth World Cup on the bounce.

Have you got any tips for our readers who would love to get paid to watch football?

Well, when you go and watch it, don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t think ‘oh no, it’s Bolton vs Blackburn, it will be 0-0’. You’ll always find something to enjoy. Be neutral like I am, and say what you see.

And don’t miss any sendings off, right, eh, nudge nudge?

Yeah, that as well!