David Baddiel

	I'm not a bad pianist by ordinary standards, but to anyone who knows about piano playing, I am fucking rubbish!

What The Infidel shows in its braveness, is only surpassed by its funniness. Penned by Fantasy Football comic David Baddiel, it stars Iranian funnyman Omid Djalili as a Muslim who discovers he's actually an adopted Jew and enters into the throes of a religious identity crisis. Slap in shady one-handed clerics, a Matt Lucas Rabbi and bizarre penis-based Bar Mitzvah jokes, and it pretty much unfolds like a UK episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

We caught up with David Baddiel to talk to him about it. Plus, those Fantasy Football episodes with Brigitte Nielsen and Johnny Rotten...

What is it with Jewish humour and taking the piss out of themselves?

I don't know, it's self deprecating I guess, like we're almost embarrassed to be Jewish. Most Jews I know are pretty funny. Well my mum isn't but my dad's a funny guy. My parents always turn up at my shows and heckle me. There was one time I necked a pint of beer onstage and a voice piped up "I hope you've had something to eat tonight". It was my mum.

I thought you said your mum isn't funny.

She is really.

I always remember your dad turning up at your shows, and you always seemed obsessed that he was bald and that you were going to lose your hair.

Yeah, I always think I should have lost my hair by now, like my dad, but I've just about managed to keep it. My girfriend actually bought me some Regaine. I don't think I need it though and it just made my scalp itchy. You've got an interesting haircut by the way. What is it exactly?

That's a good question.

No, I mean I like it, I was just wondering what it was you asked for.

I think I asked for a trim. So what's the best Jewish joke you've heard?

There's an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Jew on a park bench, and the Englishman says "I am so tired and thirsty, I must have beer". The Frenchman says "I am so tired and thirsty, I must have wine". And the Jew says "I am so tired and thirsty, I must have diabetes".

Yes, very good, but I actually heard it last Monday. The Infidel seems like a film that really needed to be made. It actually says the same thing on the press release, but I thought that first. Honest!

Actually, I don't think that many people wanted it to be made, The BBC and the people who originally commissioned it started wondering whether we can really touch the subject. But myself and Omid were like it's just a feel-good body swap movie. It's a film trying to be mainstream and funny about the relationships between Muslims and Jews, a subject nobody really talks about, and communities we don't really see.

I thought the film was a bit like a UK episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I kinda think the life of Larry David's is like mine, not his actual life, but the one he portrays in the series. I am constantly getting myself in weird situations from tiny things. I actually wrote a show called Baddiel Syndrome for Sky in 2000 which dealt with all that. It was highly unwatched, though.

Has the film had any bad reactions because of the subject matter?

I'm slightly frightened that people who don't watch it will have an automatic assumption of it, but those who have seen it have really enjoyed it. Actually one woman who saw it said that she used to be part of an extremist group, but she's not anymore, which is great because it meant she didn't have to hate the film. She really found it funny!

I'm going to change the subject again.

Go on then.

When I told my parents that I was interviewing you, my mum said 'oh, David Baddiel, he's a really good pianist'. And my dad, who's a hardcore jazz muso, leapt out of his chair and literally screamed 'no he bloody isn't!'.

Well your mum is very sweet for thinking that, but your father is completely correct. I'm not a bad pianist by ordinary standards, but to anyone who knows about piano playing, I am fucking rubbish! I actually earned money playing jazz piano in a bar in Perugia, Italy, where people would only stay for a couple of drinks. That was very handy because it meant they didn't get to find out that I could only play three songs! I am shit really.

Let's talk about Fantasy Football. Just how mad was Brigitte Nelson when she appeared on your show in 1998? Didn't she try to force-feed you cake?

I don't know what she was on, and I don't want to suggest she was on anything because you might get sued, but she was seriously fucking mad!

What about the Johnny Rotten episode?

He was a hero of mine, but when he came on he was just so unpleasant we had to chuck him off. It was live and he threw a lit cigarette into the audience. So Frank Skinner [Fantasy Football co-host] was just like 'fuck this, let's go to an ads break and get Johnny off'. He actually tried to fight his way back into the studio and we could hear it all kicking off!

Did security physically have to remove him?

Yeah, he was actually dragged off, he was just being a c*nt, really. Don't get me wrong, he was brilliant in 1977 and he's done some excellent stuff, but Fantasy Football was a family show and that didn't really suit Johnny.

How much fun were the Phoenix From The Flames skecthes, when you recreated famous goals with football legends?

The best thing were before they actually got shot and we were kicking a ball about with Eusebio or Gordon Banks, which was fucking brilliant. Charlie George ['70s Arsenal legend] has got arthritis now and we were recreating his double-winning goal for Arsenal and he actually said 'I can't kick the ball anymore'. So myself and Frank were kicking it around and it accidentally went over to him and he just flicked it up and trapped it and said "I guess you never lose it!”. It was just a beautiful moment because he genuinely thought he couldn’t kick it but he still could.

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