Andy Serkis

Andy Serkis is not your average actor. Unless he’s dressed up as gorilla, a freaky hobbit, or a talking rat, he’s not interested. If ever he starred in a romantic comedy with Sandra Bullock, he’d probably be playing the part of a fox who breaks into her house and bites her head off. Until that wondrous film moment comes along, however, you’ll have to enjoy ace Brit horror, The Cottage instead. We had a chat with him about that, rank cocktails and going to Rwanda to watch head-slapping monkeys…

The Cottage was proper gory. Any nasty bits that didn’t make the final cut?

There was a sequence at the beginning of the film that involved a dog falling down a spiked pit. David, my character, was supposed to be meeting this guy, who hadn’t rung him back so he’s like, ‘Where the fuck is he?’ He’s on the phone to him and as he’s bending down to get his dog out of this pit, the farmer’s foot comes down and pushes the guy onto a spike. Later, in the scene where we discover all the heads that have been cut off, I see his head with a spike in it. That didn’t make the cut, sadly.

What was your favourite prosthetic used?

I like the spade in Jennifer Ellison’s gob, that was pretty good. That and the foot getting chopped off. That worked really well, I loved that. Just the way the spade goes down on the foot and cuts it off…it’s just priceless, it gets the audience every time.

Were Jennifer’s breasts a distraction? 

I didn’t really get to experience them at close quarters, not like Reece [Shearsmith] did. He really did have to nestle in there, but no, I was kept at bay. So I didn’t get to experience the full glory.

You’ve played Gollum and King Kong. Who are you most like?

There’s so much of both parts of my personality. They’re both great to play. Gollum is easier in the sense that the dialogue was fantastically well written and a lot of his emotions are carried through. With Kong it was all body language and silences and the occasional infrequent looks between him and Anne. They were both great characters to play, but Kong was much, much more of a challenge to get right.

Who was a better monkey – you in King Kong, the ones in the PG tips adverts or the gorilla drummer in the Dairy Milk advert?

The Dairy Milk advert… he’s pretty cool. The guy’s quite a well-known suit-actor, or whatever you call them. Skin workers I think. Yeah, I thought that was brilliant.

What’s the coolest thing that monkeys do?

I went to Rwanda to study these mountain gorillas, and I was blown away. There was like a group of 28 gorillas. All the males were sitting round together like they’re down the pub, then you’ve got all the mums nattering together with the nippers, and then you’ve got the young adolescents smacking each other around. They eat and then they all have a kip after they’ve had their lunch, and they’re all crashed out and it’s like being at some hippy rock festival, where everyone’s just smashed and lying out… it was pretty cool.

At fancy dress parties, do you just dress up normally and get someone to digitally create the costume later?

Ha ha, yeah, that’s right! I’ve actually got my very own motion-capture costume, which I like to wear to fancy dress parties and let other people imagine.

Are you going to be back as Gollum for the new Hobbit films?

If they go ahead, yeah, I’m sure I’ll get a telephone call. I would hope so, because Gollum is quite an important part of The Hobbit. It’d be great because we covered quite a lot of ground on Gollum, but in The Hobbit he’s buzzing because he’s got the ring, so things are going well for him. He thinks he’s going to win the riddles, but he gets set up for quite a big fall. There’s quite a lot of stuff to play with there.

Pingu the Movie – would you be up for playing the penguin?

If it was emotionally complex, with a great character arc, a life-changing cinema experience, then yeah I’d love to. When does it start shooting?

We’ll let you know. The question we really want to know is – what’s the strangest thing you’ve seen lodged in Peter Jackson’s beard?

Hmm, he likes his cheese and crackers. I’ve never seen any cheese or crackers there but if there was to be anything lodged there, it would probably be a bit of cheese and cracker, or maybe a little bit of a gherkin.

Who was the biggest piss-head on the Lord of the Rings set? 

Oooh, now that’s incriminating isn’t it! They were all big drinkers. There were some monster beer-ups.

Orlando Bloom was a lightweight wasn’t he?

I wouldn’t say he was a lightweight, but I think the one who showed us all up was Ian McKellan, he has the stamina of an ox. He could outshine all of us in that department.

What’s your alcoholic Del Boy style concoction of choice?

Thunderbird and Absinthe. Thunderbird is a very cheap alcohol that is more like lighter fuel really… I had that, it ended in disaster.

You eat fish but not meat. Does that means that all you can eat in McDonald’s is that rank Filet-O-Fish burger?

I don’t really go to McDonald’s anymore. I used to, and when I used to I just used to have the Filet-O-Fish. They’re horrible, they really are the last resort, when there’s just no other food around. Sort of post-apocalyptic looting material.

Did you have a nickname at school? 

Yeah, millions. My surname is Serkis so it was ‘Billy Smart’s’, ‘Chipperfield’s’, ‘Oxford, ‘Picadilly’, all the circuses.

Did you ever used to go to the circus? 

No more than most kids, I didn’t spend too much time around circuses.

Have you ever tried to fit yourself in a cardboard box like those weird Chinese contortionists?

Yes, I think I did, actually. My kids do it all the time now, and I assist them.

So you put your kids into cardboard boxes for a laugh?

Yes.

Er, OK, moving on. What are you up to next?

I’m developing some projects that I’m going to direct, because directing is something I’ve wanted to move into for a long time. And I’m just going off to do Tintin with Spielberg and Peter Jackson.

You’ve played an ape, a goblin, a rat, a thug, and Ian Brady. How about a nice romantic lead for a change? 

That’s what my mum is questioning, and I have to oblige her one of these days because there are very few things that I can take my parents to see. She’s always saying, when are you going to get a nice lover? This is probably the closest I’ve got to it so far – The Cottage!