Rick Edwards

Rick Edwards might just have the best job in TV. Cosying up to Alexa Chung, arseing around with the cast of Hollyoaks, comparing chequered shirts with Steve Jones…it’s not the worst way to make a living. Certainly a step up from his former role as a door-to-door salesman. To find out if Rick was having as much as we thought he was, we caught up with him for a pint in his local boozer. Answer: Yes, yes he is, the bastard.

Have you ever gone on T4 hung over?

Yeah. I did an interview with Hilary Swank hung over and learned my lesson. I’d been vomiting in the room next door about 45 seconds before I sat down in front of her, all red eyes and puffy face. I hadn’t had a shower so I was reeking of vomit, alcohol, and sweat. I told her I had a dossier of facts about her called my ‘Swank Bank’ which wasn’t the best start. Then she misheard something I said, thinking I was going to sing to her. So because I wasn’t thinking straight I just said ‘….yep’, and sang about half the interview to her. It was mortifying. I really hope that doesn’t end up on YouTube.

Miquita or Alexa?

I’d go for Miquita. Alexa’s one of my best friends, but if we’re talking who I would have a bit of kissy-kissy with, then definitely Miquita. Alexa is so like a sister, I’d be an absolute sicko. Whereas Miquita…I had a crush on her when I was younger as well. She’s a very attractive girl. But she’d have no interest. She’d be appalled.

If you woke up and found Steve Jones’ face had been grafted on to yours, what’s the first thing you would do?

I’d stitch him up. I’d call a press conference and say something really awful. I’d say, ‘I’m very happy that June (Sarpong) has left T4 and I don’t have to work with her any more, because, you know, I always hated her, what with her being black and all’. Then the next day Steve wakes up with a mob banging on his door. I think he’d see the funny side. Although how would you explain it afterwards? Actually, he probably wouldn’t see the funny side…

Alex Zane once threw up in a Guinness hat. What’s been your most comical vomit receptacle?

I threw up on a girl’s back in a club in Newcastle. She didn’t notice, which was the best thing about it. I managed to get my hand up – the old hand grill – so it was a very fine mist of vomit. That’s what you do in Newcastle, you go out and vomit, it’s the done thing. That’s probably why she didn’t bat an eyelid, it had probably happened to her several other times that evening. I also once vomited while urinating. You can imagine where some of the vomit has ended up…I’ll tell you. It was on my penis. I vomited on my own penis.

Have you ever been disciplined on Radio or Television for saying anything offensive?

I haven’t been disciplined per se, but if you slag off an American band, and Americans see you doing it, they will go mental. There’s a clip on YouTube where I am mildly ribbing the band One Republic, who are a terrible, terrible band. Anyway the comments on YouTube from these Americans were just furious. It was as if I’d walked into their back garden and started raping every member of their family.

You were an extra on Hollyoaks. Do you ever introduce it on a Sunday and think ‘what if…’?

Always. I love Hollyoaks. I begged to be an extra in it for about 3 years, and I’m very proud of the work I did on it. I stood up and left the pub with extraordinary gravitas. Unfortunately I’m hamstrung by the fact that I can’t act. I know there are some people on Hollyoaks that have overcome that obstacle, but I don’t think it’s for me. I did a show with Max actually, whose real name is Matt Littler, and throughout it would only call him Max, which I thought was very funny. He wasn’t so sure.

Did anyone ever answer the door naked to you when you were a door-to-door salesman?

No. A lot of people just answered the door angrily. I resorted to lying a lot. I was selling a coating for houses that was a lot like paint, only it protects your house from weathering. So I made up this lie, that the Government were bringing in legislation that you had to have this coating or your house would be repossessed. Not my finest hour.

Who is the better action star – Stallone or Van Damme?

I’m such a big action film fan… I’ll go with Stallone. That’s not an easy choice. But brilliantly, in every one of Van Damme’s film contracts he has the clause that he must expose his buttocks. That’s alright isn’t it? What a man. What a bloody man! I’ve met Stallone though and he’s a monster. Hands like plates.

If it meant Liverpool winning the Premier League, would you give Brian Blessed a back, sack and crack?

Of course I would. I’d do anything Brian Blessed wanted, if it meant Liverpool winning the Premier League. It’s been so long, and I love them, so yes I would do that for them. To be fair I would tell everyone why I was doing it, I would explain it so they didn’t think I was just hanging out with Brian Blessed a lot. But if I couldn’t tell people why? I’d still do it. I’d be less happy though…