Morgan Spurlock

Morgan Spurlock is the Big Mac-chomping documentary maker who ate only McDonald’s for a month for the film Super Size Me. Having nearly died as a result of that, Morgan decided to risk his life in an entirely different way – by taking on the Taliban. In Where In The World Is Osama bin Laden?, Morgan went in search of the world’s most wanted man. Thankfully, he didn’t croak. Keen to find out how he got on, Maxim caught up with the moustachioed madman on his return, asked him your questions, and found out why you should never buy snacks off a street vendor in Afghanistan.

So where is Osama bin Laden? Graham, Nottingham

I don’t think he’s dead based on what people in Pakistan told us. At the end of the film, we’re at the border about to go into a tribal area and people were pointing us toward a mountain area called Waziristan about 50-75 miles away. People we spoke to on the ground said they thought he was there. Is that true? Is he still there? Who knows? But that’s what I think. What you see in the film is that bin Laden is like Keyser Soze now; he’s everywhere and he’s nowhere. You travel around the world, and everywhere you see his influence. It’s crazy…

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? Paul B, Aldershot

I haven’t had McDonald's since the party scene at the end of Super Size Me – 2 March 2003. I haven’t even walked into a McDonald’s since then. I’m not allowed in – there’s my face with a red line through it! ‘No filmmakers allowed.’ The scary thing is, to this day, if I smell a Big Mac my mouth will water like Pavlov’s dog. But the minute you taste it, it tastes like chemicals. It doesn’t even taste like real food to me.

You used to do stand-up. What was your worst ever gig? Gareth, Cardiff

When I was in college I did a lot of stand-up. There was a gig I did, and there’s nothing worse than when you ’re introduced and they completely mispronounce your name. So the guy goes, ‘You’re gonna love this guy, here he is: Merlin Sherlock.’ I just couldn’t recover after that. I was too busy thinking about mixing Sherlock Holmes with the magic of Merlin, and how I could make that funny.

Have you had any death threats from Al Qaeda? Steve, Knebworth

We have not gotten any death threats from Al Qaeda, although that doesn’t mean we won’t! Once people see Osama bin Laden dancing in the film, we’ll see what happens.

Do Americans drink light beers because they can’t handle their drink, or because they're saving more room for food? Ian Peters, Dartford

Now that’s a great question! I don't drink light beer, unless there’s nothing else to drink. There’s a great joke, which goes: ‘Drinking light beer is like making love in a canoe – it’s fucking close to water.’ I drink Guinness.

What’s the rankest drink you’ve ever had? Olly, Manchester

Well, there was a bar I used to go to when I was in my 20s in NYC where they had the ‘barback’ shot. Basically there was a rag they kept on the bar to clean up anything that spilled on the bar. This barkeeper would squeeze this rag into a shot glass, and you would have to drink it. It was a dare we would do with our friends, and you would vomit immediately. It was horrific, but I’m sure some of you will try it now!

Morgan Spurlock is a great name. Is it your real name, and what did people use to call you at school? John, Devon

That is my real name, but in 5th grade, when I was 11, a friend of mine named Eric Burdiss coined the name that people would use to make fun of me all the way through high school: Morgasm Spermcock! ‘Spermcock!’ people would shout across the room at me. His nickname was ‘burn-dick’.

What’s the scariest situation you ever found yourself in? David, Harrogate

I think there are different levels of scary. When we were embedded with the troops in Afghanistan, and the government convoy ahead of you gets ambushed by the Taliban, that’s a scary situation to be in. And then there’s the situation where [my wife] Alex rolls over and says, ‘Morning, I’m pregnant!’ That’s a whole other level of scary.

What’s the Afghan version of McDonald's? Adam, Balham

AFC – Afghan Fried Chicken! The guy that’d opened it in Kabul said, ‘It‘s just like KFC only better, it’s AFC!’ The other thing in Afghanistan is that there are all these people who sell food on the side of the street. We would go up to these guys, and everyone would say, ‘You should not eat the food on this street.’ And I got sick multiple times, with some of the most fantastic explosive diarrhoea you could ever experience. At this one place, where this guy’s cooking some meat on a stick, I was like, ‘Oh I’ll try one of those.’ I’m eating it off the stick and our Afghan producer was like, ‘Please don’t eat that. That is not goat! I think it’s a stray dog.’ I probably shouldn’t have asked. It’s better not to know!

Where In The World Is Osama bin Laden? is out on DVD on 1 Sep, through Optimum