Ade Edmondson

They are the godfathers of comedy violence. For nearly three decades, Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall punched each other, jabbed Biros into each other’s faces and thwacked each other round the head with frying pans. It was genius. Now Bottom is over and The Young Ones is a distant memory, Ade has gone out on his own, writing a non-anarchic sitcom, Teenage Kicks. We joined him in the pub for a chat, a scuffle and ‘half a mild in a pint glass’.

What is the craziest night you’ve ever had in a pub? Dean, St Neots

I can’t remember because I was so drunk! We used to inhabit a pub called The George in the 80s. It was around the time of The Young Ones, and lots of people would bizarrely want to fight me. They thought I was a hard man because I was Vyvyan and they were drunk. I remember glasses going over and thinking that it was probably time to go home.

Have you been asked to endorse frying pans? Matt, Middlesbrough

No. I was a bit pissed off when Vic and Bob stole our pan idea – though our pans were firmer, theirs were wavy. We always used real pans and jugs on stage, and as a result we both ended up in hospital a few times. The worst was a metal water jug. Rik opened up my head with one of those; it was a very small glancing blow, and it just split it open.

What’s the worst on-stage beating you’ve given Rik? Chris, Stevenage

It was always very funny when blood happened. I remember once we were doing a show in Sheffield. I was still wearing my wedding ring and I threw a punch at Rik and grazed his forehead. He knew he was bleeding and, when he had his back to the audience, he said quietly to me, ‘Is it very bad?’ And I said, ‘Nah it’s all right.’ His face was covered in blood! We carried on but the audience stopped laughing, so Rik turned to them and said, ‘Look it’s just a flesh wound, everything’s going to be all right!’

Is it true you wrote a fourth series of Bottom but the BBC banned it because it was so controversial? Nick, Essex

No, they banned it because it was crap. Actually, they thought it was crap – we thought it was brilliant. We’d done all we wanted to do in the flat, and we wanted to go out and do things with bows and arrows, and darts and planes crashing on us. And we wrote the whole series on spec thinking they’d like it, but by then the BBC was run by lots of women in suits who didn’t like us. So we just trawled all the gags out of it on subsequent tours instead. It was really sad.

Will you ever work with Rik Mayall again? Craig, London

Rik and I have got a long-term plan to start work again when we’re pensioners. We would like to do a couple of pensioners that hit each other with frying pans. It’s such a great age to be. You don’t have to worry about vanity any more – it’s just drinking and touching as many breasts as you can. That’s the future for me.

Who would win in a real fight – you or Rik? Egg, Finsbury Park

I’d win so fucking easy, he’s such a girl. Rik is big, ungainly and fat. He has no viciousness in him apart from verbally, whereas I have a lot of anger and, when things go wrong, I kick things. I hurt my hand a lot hitting bollards as a young person. You know those street signs that say ‘City Centre This Way’? I remember going down a street when I was really drunk and jumping up and hitting them. They make a better noise than you think – it’s very satisfying but it hurts like fuck.

If you could surgically graft someone else’s bottom onto to yours, whose would you choose? Mel, Bath

My bottom is actually one of my best features. It would be nice to have Jennifer Aniston’s arse, so I could just feel it and look at it in the mirror, then tell me to go and fuck myself.

What was the last thing you made out of Play-Doh? Alan, Bristol

We were playing that game Cranium about three years ago, and I had to make a supermarket trolley. I don’t think I managed it. Unless it’s some peas or spaghetti, that game’s impossible.

What’s the new sitcom about? Gary Smith, Yeovil

It’s about my relationship with my children and all my failings as a man. I wrote it with a friend of mine called Nigel Smith. He had a strange accident five years ago where his brain attacked him and he nearly died. He survived and has a party every year called ‘Nigel’s Not Dead!’ We’ve got ‘Nigel’s Not Dead 5’ this year!

How would you define comedy? Martin, Peterborough

Comedy’s all about truth. Even in Bottom, it’s about truth. It’s about two people who’ve realised that life is shit so they may as well wank themselves to death.

Catch Ade in Teenage Kicks, every Friday from 28 March, on ITV1

Watch classic Bottom footage at www.maxim.co.uk/bottom