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Features: Comedy

 


Jackie Chan

Nunchucks at the ready! It’s time to take on the hardest, happiest man in kung fu, Jackie Chan

What are your best memories from your films of the 70s?

When we were making a film in Hong Kong, we have no money, we don’t have protection. I have to risk my life jumping from building to building. Rolling camera, jump, cut, later on – hospital! Today you cannot do this. Hollywood has protection. I look back at the old films and even though I got hurt, I’m glad I did it. I chose to do things my own way. I use Jackie Chan style, risk my life and never give up.

Have you ever used kung fu in real life?

When I was 17 or 18, yes. On the street, fighting with three friends, we fight seven people. We beat them all up and we run away. After fighting, you are hiding and shaking, you are scared. The police car is coming, the ambulance is coming, then you realise, ‘Did I kill somebody?’ Then, next day, you look in newspaper. But in the old day, news was not that quick. You cannot tell.

Is it true you’ve got a hole in your head?

Yes, here (points just above his right ear). I was doing a stunt in Yugoslavia for Armour Of God where I jump from the castle to the tree. Only the branch was wet, and I slip, and fell about 20 foot. I hit my head on the ground, crack! I didn’t know injury was so bad till I saw all the blood… now I have a plug in hole.

So why are you so goddamn happy all the time?

Me? Because I always think I’m the luckiest person in the world. Out of how many billion people, how many martial art people, why am I the only one outstanding?

What’s the most evil thing you’ve ever done to someone?

I was hiding in a toilet for two hours once from one of my stunt guys. And I hear him come back to the hotel, I was inside the shower cubicle, and he talk on the phone, and he’s smoking, talking, then he come to the toilet and shit. Phew (wafts hand in front of nose)! I was standing there, waiting until he finish. Then he tried to take a shower. He open the door. I just say, ‘Waa…’ and he goes, ‘Aaaaagh!’ He fainted. I was so happy.

In Around The World In 80 Days, how funny was Steve Coogan?

He’s very funny. He always teach me English until one day the director, he say, ‘Cut! Jackie, speak English.’ I say, ‘I am speak English.’ He say, ‘No, you have to speak Jackie Chan English, not posh British English!’ Every day with Coogan, I always make fun of him: ‘Would you like caaarp orf teeeea?’ ‘Well, orf cooourse.’

You’ve got a hangover. What’s the cure?

When I know I am drunk, next day it got to be hangover. So go home, drink a lot of water. And in the toilet (mimes sticking fingers down throat, makes vomit sound). It cleans my stomach. Then next morning, good!

You, Chuck Norris, Seagal and Van Damme are all locked in a room with just one cake in it. Who gets his mits on the spongey goodness?

I get the cake. I’m faster. I’m still the one who fastest!

Jackie stars in The Forbidden Kingdom, out on 11 July

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