Steve Punt

1. Men can’t cook
Clearly untrue. Almost all top chefs are men. Normally an abusive man who collects knives and shouts at people would attract the attention of the police. If he’s a chef, he attracts the attention of publishers and Michelin reviewers. Women, on the other hand, are almost all on diets, and what’s the point of cooking if you’re not eating?

2. All men love football
Everyone has at least one male friend who knows nothing about football and will ostentatiously proclaim his ignorance when the subject comes up. None of this stops advertisers from constantly repeating one of their favourite clichés – that men would rather do anything, including turn down sex, than miss football on the telly. If you can name me a single man in Britain who would turn down a shag to watch Jim Rosenthal, I will eat my hat.

3. Men are frightened of commitment
A massive gold-plated cliché put about by women. Really it’s the 21st-century equivalent of some Jane Austen-type maiden getting in a tizzy because no man has asked her to marry him. It is, in any case, nonsense. Men are generally quite happy to commit, as it means they can then afford a mortgage and stop wasting money on porn.

4. Men don’t iron
Wrong. According to market research, 17 per cent of men do their own ironing, provided they can go out and buy a Man’s Iron. Not some pastel-coloured girlie iron that squirts decorous little puffs of steam like some sort of mechanical cologne dispenser – no, men want a fearsome off-road iron, the sort of iron that Jeremy Clarkson might use on his jeans. It’s entirely possible that you think I’m joking, but no. According to the research, men are the most profitable iron customers because they insist on buying the most expensive gadget-ridden model. Women just want to get the creases out of their clothes – men want to destroy them.

5. All men love fast cars
Don’t get me wrong – I like cars. I can see that Ferraris are nice and a 60s SL Mercedes is cool. But really – what’s the point? You’ve got to use the same congested, road-humped highways as everyone else. Most of the time you’re either commuting or heading off to Tesco to get some bread and a chicken. Instead, buy a sensible car and spend the money you’ve saved on wine and women. They don’t depreciate as fast and you don’t have to get ripped off insuring them.