I will take this goddamn computer and put it through your face like a disc of f*cking Tron...
Stay in school. Fight the Power. And don’t do drugs.. . Unless of course you’re doing ’em with me... Never turn down free drugs...
I’m not dressed like Boss Hogg, you dumb bitch. I’m dressed like pure. This is... just... why don’t you go f*ck off!!! Don’t you got somebody you gotta give AIDS to???
Don’t get all excited, dude. 3D is gay. Nobody wants to sit on a couch wearing glasses poppin’ bubbles out of the air like some sort of f*cked up Ray Charles...
Gross! You’re crop dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. [oh, sorry Kenny] Don’t be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marblesack...
There’s gonna be an ass-ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles & Jaymes, corn on the cob, f*ckin booger sugar...
If I had to choose, I mean historically, I’ve always considered myself to be a tit man...
It’s no mystery that ass has always been tits’ greatest enemy... It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.
You should have seen the size of her ass. It was f*cking incredible. It was like a goddamn hot air balloon right in front of me. I went (bbbbllllllppp) all over the thing as soon as I saw it...
It’s like goddamn cocktober fest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright. Ugghhh...
I’m wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white...
Remember, there is no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in c*nt. So don't be little jealous c*nts, ok?
This is me every night, dude. Just staring at buttholes, and gettin' a buzz on.
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Eastbound & Down Season 2 is released on DVD & Blu-ray on 10 October from HBO Home Entertainment
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