Rap Battles Aplenty

Maxim: You made a name for yourself originally with the rap battles, what were your top put-downs? Just don't say them to us... we're fragile.

PG: This has to be one of my choices for the front page. The videos at the bottom of the page... I was really mean to this guy, but he honestly looked so much like the milkybar kid I just had to let rip. The overgrown sperm was a good one too. I never got to battle Lady Sovereign but I did write quite a horrible verse about her. I'm not a big Sovereign fan. The line went something like "I'm riding a king spit of a tyrant king figured,her name Sovereign 'cos of the times she's been fingered". I thought that was quite clever, eh?

Maxim: Better than we could do. People think we're really witty and sharp but in reality we slave FOR HOURS OVER EVERYTHING. It's tough being this perfect.

PG: Errr.. yeah. Anyway. Who else have I said really horrible things to... I did battle this guy called Life who was from Luton. A really good rapper actually. I called him a Jafaican, as he's got dreads. Then in the second round I said "I already called you a Jafaican, you're a dread so why does your breath smell like bacon?". There were dreads in the crowd that started saluting and everything, I felt quite bad for him.

Maxim: NO SYMPATHY.

PG: You're harsh. Who else was there... there was this girl called Nuisance, she got it really, really bad. I was at Brixton academy and she's got quite a big nose, and as soon as I got out on stage I put my hand over my eye and said "Oh my God I can't flow or rhyme, her nose is so big it poked me in the eye!". Only problem was I stumbled over my words a bit and pissed myself off, so then I came back even harder and said "What are you rhyming for? You got a flat back and front, you look like an ironing board!". In her round she said all this stuff about me, like I had two dads, I didn't have a dick, she said something about an STD as well, then I went into one. I remember this well, mainly cos I watched the clips back a few times. I started with "Beat me? You must be crazy. You haven't got a mum or a dad, why? Cos you're a test tube baby. Battlin' me? You are dumb, you ain't got an STD, bitch you are one. I'm not gay, you're queer, I can smell this chicks yeast infection from here! I wouldn't ever let you give me head, tell me what is that smell, your pussy or your breath?! She said I haven't got a dick, this bitch hasn't even got grass on the pitch, I'm sick I can't help it, how have you got me battling a chick that's under-developed, get the fuck outta here!". That was the devastation she had to endure in front of... I think it was a capacity crowd of 4,800 people. I was pretty proud of myself *big grin*.