The answer is of course: “Never” (ask your girlfriend). But that hasn’t stopped us having articles (only one, actually) pitched to us claiming that, in the name of product promotion, it’s “the done thing”.
The following feature then is not at all condoned by Maxim, but written by a faceless PR in order to garner promotion for Chloe, a new movie. Despite its surreptitious motives, we kind of liked it. From the top then:
“Cheating’s become somewhat of a trend these days and it’s pretty clear without naming names that no one’s really getting away with it. There are occasions however when it’s actually ok to cheat. When? How? Was it ok when I did? I hear you ask.
Chloe is an erotic thriller which sees’s a woman (Julianne Moore) who suspects her husband (Liam Neeson) of cheating, so sets him up with a young girl (Amanda Seyfried – the fit one from Mamma Mia) to catch him in the act. To celebrate the release of the film in UK cinemas on 5th March, we’re going to give you a rundown of when it’s ok to cheat, so even if you do get caught you’ve got a legitimate reason as to why you were out until four in the morning and you’ve lost your trousers.
When you’re in a different postcode
This is a bit of a classic – it can apply to country, region or postcode. If you do get caught, you can simply claim it doesn’t count. What happens in N16 stays in N16.
When she’s cheated on you
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or a quickie for a quickie. If she’s cheated on you, you can definitely cheat on her, that goes without saying. You’ll get to have a bit if fun guilt-free and it’s much easier than breaking up and trying to work out who bought which CD and who gets custody of the dog.
When the person you’ve cheated on her with is Angelina Jolie
This can apply to anyone famous really: Megan Fox, Cheryl Cole, even Helen Mirren depending on your taste. If she’s your ideal dream woman and you happen to bump into her, although let’s be honest chances are pretty slim, then this is a definite yes. Try letting your grilfriend know who your ideal shag is in advance (maybe write it in a card) then if it unbelievably does happen, it will soften the blow when you tell her.
When you are on a break
She’s familiar with this one anyway from that show about all those "Friends" that hang out in that coffee house but, just in case, remind her ever so often that a breaks a break and it’s ok to deal with the emotional struggle of not being with the one you love by cheating.
On your stag do
You’re about to get married, to live with one person for the rest of your life, wake up with them every morning, share countless arguments and spend every other Sunday with her parents… good luck. So it’s perfectly acceptable to have one last bit of freedom before this all kicks off. It may well be with a ladyboy or midget, in which case she won’t mind anyway.
If the fate of mankind depends on you
This is one’s not likely to happen but, if it does you’ll get the best of both worlds. She can’t exactly say no when the fate of the world rests on you cheating on her and chances are she’ll be so impressed by your heroics and the fact you saved the human race that she won’t be able to take her hands off you.
If it is the final request of a dying woman
This is another one for brownie points as well as a free pass to mess about. A woman is dying and her only one wish is to sleep with you, and depending on how long she’s been round for, this could be a bonus. Again, your girlfriend/wife will be so proud that this woman wants a slice of you before she pops her clogs, that you won’t need to cheat again.
If you’re abducted by aliens
As long as the aliens are like something from Species rather than District 9. You can either claim it was for experimentation and a breakthrough in science, or you were told you had to or you’d never see her again.
If you’re an actor
As an actor you have to really get into your role and make your performance as believable as possible, so this is a completely valid reason. If you keep somehow landing roles that involve sex scenes you may be taking advantage, so try for a Disney film ever so often.
If you work for a condom company
This can be claimed as research or commitment to your job. They need to be tested and someone’s got to do it. If she’s still apprehensive, get management to make sure it’s included in your contract and have that framed in the kitchen."
MORE FEATURES
Bookmark this post with: