And so departs the King of the Fastwalk, the Lord of the Fingers-Up-The-Thigh Technique and the Greatest Leather Jacket Wearer in Modern Movie History. RIP Mr Swayze, ye shall be missed, sir.
We liked Swayze, you see. We mocked him rather relentlessly, but we liked him. He made our young lives better by being incredibly earnest even in the most 2-dimensional of roles (Roadhouse), by nearly getting done over by a crafty pair of oldies (the Schumachers in Dirty Dancing) and generally being the kind of cheesy all-American hero you can't help but be amused by.
He was a good dancer. He walked exceptionally quickly, even in very tight jeans. And he wasn't afraid to wear cowboy boots and white shirts with no discernable buttonage. How can you not respect that?
When a man like Swayze gets struck down by the Big C you hope he'll just take his shoes and socks off and Tai Chi the piss out of it. You hope he'll remove it himself with a pair of tweezers and not even tell his doctor. You hope he'll the beat the fucker, hands and cowboy boots down. But not even Sir Swayze could sort this one out.
So what better way to honour his greatness than a compilation of his Cheesiest Moments. Hats (and boots and jackets) off for the one, the only… Mr Patrick Swayze!
'SHE'S LIKE THE WIND' - SWOONSOME DIRTY DANCING LOVE SONG
Swayze croons out all the stops in this remarkable power ballad of godly proportions. The major chord shift into the chorus is like being blasted by Cupid at point-blank range with a cannon.
ROADHOUSE - 'PAIN DON'T HURT'
Ultimate tough guy quip, delivered with straight-faced sincerity. Reading the subtext, this really means 'let's get this shiiiiiiiit on, nursey, and you can slap my buttocks, too!" Nursey is 149% game.
'HUNGRY EYES' - INCREDIBLE DIRTY DANCING POWER BALLAD
Seminal, knee-wobbling love classic. Stick it on and THE lady's yours. Any lady you want. None can resist.
ROAD HOUSE - STEAMY THIGH-CARESSING LOVE SCENE
Nobody runs his digits up a sweaty lady's thigh with greater devotion than Lothario Swayze. This is cinematic groinal-co-joining at its hormone-bothering finest.
GHOST - FINAL SCENE
You can't hold it in. Cry. It's human nature.
ROAD HOUSE 'FINAL FIGHT'
Bare-torsoed and not a coiffured hair out of place. Proof that the Swayze fight machine is completely unbreakable. Look at the fists fly. And you KNOW the sex he would've enjoyed after this fight would have flown off the Richter Scale.
'TIME OF MY LIFE' - DIRTY DANCING FINAL DANCE
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