Osmium for Men

Peak Performance, Energise and Renew Moisturiser (RRP £18.95, 100ml
Detoxify & Polish Two Clay Mask & Walnut Exfoliant (RRP £18.95, 50ml)
Cellular Renew Anti-Ageing Creme (RRP £22.95, 100ml)
Age Defend Shave, Soothing & Moisturising Cooling Protective Cream (£10.95, 125ml)
Clean & Refresh Cleanser (£11.95, 125ml)

Thank the skies for 'cut and paste' shortcuts on the keyboard. I didn't really fancy typing Detoxify & Polish Two Clay Mask & Walnut Exfoliant from scratch over and over: I wouldn't have any finger energy left to tell you how great these products are - if you're hardcore about your grooming.

Exceptionally fresh, each of these luxurious 'potions' are loaded with flash, high-end ingredients, which is inevitably reflected in the price (although they will last a very long time).

The Age Defend Shave looks more like baby ointment than any shaving creme I've ever encountered, but just a tiny amount massaged into your face can leave you with spectacularly smooth and soft post-shave chops. My girlfriend couldn't stop touching my cheeks, which became really annoying after a while. Apparently, this has something to do with the PLANT OILS that helps provide 'excellent razor glide'. I don't doubt this. I've not had one nick, even after a week's worth of facial bush.

The Clean & Refresh Cleanser (93% Natural, 99% Preservative Free) is a completely non-foaming daily face wash. Once again, just a small amount of this white creamy stuff is a giant stride to feeling, well, very, very clean. With a tiny bit of extra glow. What more could you ask for in a wash?

If you're especially METROSEXUAL, though, the Detoxify & Polish Two Clay Mask & Walnut Exfoliant (cheers, 'cut and paste') contains such flash natural things as hemp oil, marshmallow, cucumber extracts and willowbark, and uses walnut scrub particles and plant extracts to wipe all the facial shit away, including oils and ingrown hairs. The only downside is that bringing out all those impurities may give you retro teen-spots in the short-term.

Can't wait to try the Anti-Ageing Creme, now: it aids collagen production to bust those wrinkles. Slap it on... (in small doses, anyway).