Classic TV Intros 2

Supergran

When was it on? 20 Jan 1985 – 31 May 1987

What happens? A withered cartoon old woman with a right-angled back hobbles down the road only for some oiks to boot a football at her head. Not content with smacking the old dear on her skull, the same oiks slash it at her again. And again. Cut to a window of a nearby house and four strange men – one of whom looks like Billy Bunter – shoot a laser beam at her. Bam. The beam smacks granny right in the face, causing her eyes to explode, her hat to spin, and for her to become ‘Supergran’. She swivels on her head Tasmania Devil style, does a Cantona-esque kung fu kick, then her arms go all Stretch Armstrong on her, nonchalantly using them to yank the four laser baddies to the floor. Cue Billy Connolly – yes, the scraggy-haired Scot – singing vocals over the farty music: ‘Hang About, Look Out, it’s Super Gran.’

Then what? Well, that’s it for the opening credits. But the closing credits are possibly even better. After watching another scintillating gran-beats-baddies episode (the one with George Best is ace), the music strikes up again, and this time, it’s real-life granny. Not getting footballs booted at her. Oh no. This time, she’s standing there having a fit, properly spasming out like the mental witch in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. But then, oh no, she’s fine, she’s on a quad bike tearing it up the beach. Cue a few postcard style acting credits, then Supergran is jumping off a building. She’s properly lost it. Look, there she is again, pulling a helicopter out of the sky with her bare hands. And then the piece de resistance, the thing that ties it all together. A football soars into the air, granny leaps up, does a Duncan Ferguson style diving header, which thunders against the bar, causing it to collapse.

Our verdict: Completely senile. And tackily brilliant.