Awww. WOOK AT DA WIDDLE KITTY.
Yeah, enough of that. Here's what we think you should get for your nearest and dearest this Christmas. Or after. THERE ARE SALES IN JANURARY YOU KNOW. Presents can be given all year round.
This includes us by the way. Email us if you love us.
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Logitech makes some of the best universal remote controls on the market, and the 650 is a perfect example of that. Replace up to 5 remotes and look ultra snazzy with the colour LCD screen, save time with the activity macros, and nerd out while tweaking it to your hearts content. Definitely one for the nerds, as it's slightly more difficult to set up than most one-4-all remotes.
Alright, it’s four and a half grand, but hear us out. Look at this thing. For this admittedly large chunk of money you can turn your fetid bedsit into the lair of a fucking criminal mastermind. Anyone who comes into the room in which this chair is placed from now until you expire (probably due to starvation, having spunked a student loan onto this magnificent bit of kit) will be greeted by you, slowly turning towards them, stroking an invisible cat like some Bond villain tosser. Brilliant.
'HAN SOLO IN CARBONITE' ICE CUBE TRAY
“He’s worth a lot to me!” £9.89, to be precise. The best Star Wars gift since the Holiday Special; This tray creates ice cubes shaped like everyone’s favourite scoundrel, Han Solo, after he’s been frozen in carbonite and delivered to Jabba the Hutt. You can recreate this by having someone bring you one of these ice cubes while you sit on the couch in your underpants. You love them? We know.
Top of the line, noise-isolating headphones for a very reasonable price, the Ultimate Ears 200vi are designed to be used primarily with the iPad/iPod/iPhone/iHamster, but can obviously be used with anything that has a headphone jack. Compared to a pair of standard Apple ear buds the sound quality is better by leaps and bounds. The in-ear design helps isolate the sound and provide better bass. You won't find better for the price!
Worshippers of the Elder Gods probably don’t celebrate Christmas, but you can add a bit of Cthulu to the festive proceedings with these excellent little finger hats. We wish you a merry Christmas andph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
What to get for that person who has everything? Well, if finger tentacles, villain chairs and Han Solo ice cube trays don't quite cut it, how about booster packs for their iPhones? As amazing as they are, the iPhones are not known for their fantastic battery life. Mophie has a range of 'Juice Packs' for those very devices, and have recently gone red to help fund the fight against AIDS, so you can please your pal and do something for the world of tomorrow to boot. Scrooge would be most upset.
Geeky, sexy and cool. That's the best way to summarise the apparel sold by Insert Coin Clothing. Check out their most latest (and possibly coolest) release, the Assassin's Creed hoodie. Just don't go stabbing anyone after you put it on. Bit close to Christmas if you're thinking of buying for someone other than yourself, but you can always get some vouchers by CLICKING HERE!
Women love confidence, and nothing screams confidence more than dressing like an enormous idiot. Open the door wearing this, and absolutely everyone will think you’re an alpha male fuckbeast, because crikey you’d have to have the stones of a wraith-fuelled hammer wielding deity to go around looking like this. Then again winter is coming, and it’s more than likely we’ll be heading into a new ice age within the next few years, so it might be handy to buy yourself or your loved ones a funzee to brave the post apocalyptic snowy landscapes of tomorrow. Just imagine taking down a woolly mammoth while dressed in a stripy funzee. In fact, imagine that same said occurrence but you’re in a Pikachu funzee. You really want a funzee for Christmas now don’t you.
No we’re serious. It’s absolutely brilliant. Have you seen the calibre of people that like Kate Bush? They’re all smart as fuck, good looking, charming and write for Maxim (one of us anyway). If people realise that you like Kate Bush they will think you are rad. This is stone cold scientific fact. You should get this as a gift because it’s like the best Christmas album ever, except there’s barely any reference to Christmas. Also one of the songs is about having sex with a snowman. Lady Gaga will not be singing about sex with snowmen 30 years into her career. Indeed, if Miss Gaga is still singing in 30 years time, she’ll probably be singing about diapers and Tenalady.
MIDSOMER MURDERS- THE CHRISTMAS COLLECTION
Every other place will be telling you to get an X-Men film or something with Ross Kemp, Danny Dyer or Christopher Biggins, but we’re not like that here. You know how your parents told you that all rock and roll goes in one ear and comes out the other? Well you know what, they were absolutely right, and it applies to all facets of media. You will get old one day, and let’s face it, you’ll probably die. What better way to prepare for your inevitable, horrible decline than by parking your horrible fat arse down in front of some Midsomer Murders. You will watch it all and enjoy it because one day you will realise life is all about watching John Nettles bumbling around looking bored while middle class people murder each other for having expensive clocks and that.
Merry Christmas you filthy animals. xxx
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