Steel Panther - Sex Fashion Tips!

Lots of things come very natural to a man. One of those is being envious of Michael Starr. Spandex-stretching, leather-brutalising lead squealer of the world's greatest band Steel Panther, this is the guy who struts down streets, and ends up the other end hidden in a gyrating mound of gorgeous female flesh like some kind of unearthly love force. And that's just on the really, really short streets. Stick him on London's Oxford Street, which runs some distance, and he's had it!

While luring in women (or as Starr spells it: 'lewing') with such success is tough for mere everymen, you can still benefit from a trick from the master. Here's Starr's SIX ultimate fashion items that no METAL lothario can dare be without. Just remember to watch out for them smelly balls!

1) SPANDEX PANTS

"First of all you MUST get an animal print spandex, such as a leopard or cheetah or a panther. Chicks dig animals and it 'lewers' them to your cock and they dont even know why. It's like instinct for them to want to suck at that point. Plus, spandex enhances your cock immensely: 4-inch looks like 8-inch and your balls look way bigger too.

Downside: Your balls end up smelling really bad if you don't wash your spandex at least twice a month."

2) BANDANAS

"They can be used in a variety of ways. For example, you can hang them from your belt or tie them around your wrist. You can tie them on your boot or around your neck. The other cool thing is that girls can wear them too, so it's a great conversation topic for when you first meet a girl at a strip club!"

3) STUDDED BELTS

"This item says a lot about a person. Daily wear of the studded belt says you are committed to the Heavy Metal cause. It also says you don't care about politics or religion. It also says that you are willing to go to any lengths to bring Heavy Metal back. Casual wear says you are a weekend Metal warrior which is not a bad thing at all. This means you are on your way to being a full-time studded belt-wearer. It's just a matter of time until you quit your job for your love of Heavy Metal.
Plus, chicks love studs and this is great way to get them interested in you"

4) LEATHER STUDDED GLOVE

"This is sign of power in a man or a woman. They keep your hands warm too! You can go clubbing in them, you can go to the gym and work out with them. You can be in a band and perform with them. They are your friend and they are so important to the completion of the Heavy Metal look. I wear them all the time and chicks f***ing love it when I grab them around the neck when I have them on."

5) CONVERSE BLACK WITH BLACK LACES

"This is so old skool it's almost mainstream. It's alternative and pop all in one. But most importantly it's Heavy Metal. Chicks dig them too. If you notice anyone who is anyone wears the converse black with black laces... Josh Todd, Nikki Sixx, Tracy Gunns, ad infinite. In other words, I could go on forever if I could spell…"

6) BLACK LEATHER PANTS

"This is a statement by far. This says you are a f**king rocker to the core. If you sleep in them, that's even cooler. Chicks love guys that wear leathers until they rip off and fall apart or just disintegrate into thin air after being worn for 10 years every day.

Hot TIP: Want to get your leather pants to look like you have worn them eveyr day for 10 years in one hour? All you do is throw them on the washer and wash them in cold. Hang dry for a day then wear them. Repeat this same process until they are faded and soft. I guess that's more than an hour... But even if a chick finds out you took a short cut she will still be impressed by your commitment to rock, and that equals PUSSY FOR DINNER, BRO!!!"

Steel Panther's debut album, FEEL THE STEEL, is available now on Island Records

We test all our albums on a NaimUniti stereo. If we were testing for sound quality, every album would get five stars. But we're good little journalists, so we can't. Check out more at www.naimaudio.com. They make good stuff, believe us.