WHAT'S IT ABOUT? The incredible story of the world's greatest conqueror brought to the big screen in glorious detail by Oliver Stone - which means it must have the potential to be better than sex.

WHO'S IN IT? Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, Val Kilmer - a formidably good cast, and Ms Jolie's pretty sexy.

BEST SCENES: Loads of spectacular battles, involving more than 200,000 weapons,a $160million budget and Colin Farrell on horseback charging headlong at a ferocious elephant.

TO BE HONEST: All in all, a great film. But is it better than sex? We don't know because we've never had sex. We suggest you watch it while having sex and see which makes you ejaculate more.