WHAT'S IT ABOUT? Johnny Depp returns as the nutty Jack Sparrow, fighting for his soul against squid-faced Davy Jones' undead army of salty seamen. Orlando Bloom's sea-bound romeo gets roped into the tussle.

ANY GOOD? Pacey pirate action with oodles more violence, plus Keira Knightley's swishy maiden cossie. It scared us too, which makes us wimps because it's only got a 12A certificate.

QUOTE FOR THE POSTER: 'More piratey fun than buying this film on DVD off a bloke in the pub!'

REASON TO WATCH: It's full of seamen! (Sorry, we mean 'spunk').

FREEBIES: We've got one set of four of those enormous character banners that are hung outside cinemas, to give away! Big, big collector's item. Literally! Just email your details to webmaster.maxim@dennis.co.uk and we'll enter you into our giveaway draw. Closing date: 18 July 2006